Before my AVM I knew how to talk to people and now i just seem to blurt everything out. This occurs usually when i am angry which appears to be all of the time. As a result, i don't have many people close or that really like me. I am alone or at least i feel alone. I feel like a world philosopher with a mission to re-educate myself. I sit and think of what i will say before i say it and i practice and rehearse what i will say as not to offend anyone. So i lay down in bed and think and go over things i would like to say. This is helpfull becasue it make me more clear , but it is also exhausting. Does anyone else tend to rehearse what they will say in advance?
Communication is a very complex system, there is so much involved - tone of voice, body language, anticipating what the other person will say, adapting your approach. It's really good that you notice that, as you say, it is when you are angry that it gets worse. That is probably true of non-avmers too. People just blurt stuff out when angry, brain injury or not. Are you seeing a neuropsychiatrist or similar who you can talk this through with, they must have encountered it?
It sounds like a good strategy to rehearse what you say in advance. I try and do that as well, it can change the way I/we come across. You are not alone in this.
Hi Linda...I have the tendency to rehearse almost everything that I say. I usually have to rehearse what I have to say, because sometimes when I speak, what I say doesn't make sense. It's a little tough for me to describe. Yet, because of this I mentally rehearse what I will say in advance.You're definitely not alone. Best wishes to you.
I don't tend to rehearse things, but I definitely blurt out a lot of things that I wish i hadn't said. Since my AVM, my doctors and my therapists told me that it is because of the location of my AVM, that my 'filter' was kinda deleted or something. I'm not sure if it'll come back or not, but I know how it feels. You aren't alone, and I'm sure people understand your situation, or at least should understand it.
I should rehearse - and not improvise AT ALL; but, unfortunately, that doesn’t always happen.
I’m currently working on a shift in perspective to help flower what comes out of my mouth/head.
What part of the brain does the filter appear?
Generally speaking, the frontal lobe.
Yes the frontal lobe is responsible for cognition (thinking) although you all have to remember we are all going through something traumatic and that in itself is enough to change people’s attitudes and way of thinking, don’t be so hard on yourselves, if you have said it then its most probable that it had to be said anyway hahaha ( then I could be biased as I have no filter at all) and I forget the words I am to say and I jumble them up, it gets frustrating but I just try & laugh. Laughter is the best medicine, not worrying about those other people that put you down, they have no idea what you are going through!
oh I completely understand how you feel! since my AVM my anger with the world just gets worse and worse and even when I am trying to speak calmly my speech gets flustered and I get tongue tied and don't make any sense and it is awfully embarrassing when I used to be so eloquent and an amazing communicator. As a result my career has suffered, and my self confidence completely plummeted. I am constantly rehearsing conversations in my head without even trying because I know that is the only place they won't come out all muddled up :-( I used to be a touch typist and even my typing comes out all muddled up - I remember when I first started back at work a colleague commented that he had noticed I was brain damaged and I will never forget how that felt - it was awful - I just wanted to be treated normally but to have my deficits blatantly pointed out to me was so humiliating and made me SO ANGRY! Now I find it best to just try and not say anything.... and take a lot of time out :-)
it sounds like your approach is much more rational and I think you will be much more successful - power to you :-) xo
Linda- I don't rehearse because my issue is that I can't seem to get my thoughts formed into words and get them out of my mouth. I know what I want to say but just can't seem to say it. I understand the frustration. What gets me is when I am having difficulty I will ask for a minute and the person I am talking to says in a sugary sweet vioce "Oh, it's okay. YOu take your time". All with that "Bless your heart" tone. I can't stand that. However, I know that others do not know what I am going through and in their way are trying to be sensitive to what ever they feel is my issue. (that doesn't prevent me from wanting to rip out their jugular though). Yeah, anger has been an issue for me too. lol. I am sure those around you that are aware of what you are going through understand even when you feel they may not. And let's be honest, a little honesty and straight forwardness really does sweep the cob webs out and refresh the air around you. :) Those that truly care for you will stand by you no matter what. If you ever want to talk, let me know. I am here. I am new to this whole thing but I am realizing very quickly that it helps to hear from people who know what you are going through.
oh, Lord. THis sounds just like me. Even the typing. It is so frustrating.
Sounds like me. I think about what I want to say, but I cannot seem to say it (even when I rehearse). When I ask for a minute, those that I'm around (former coworkers, mostly) will just look at me as if I am crazy, and then speak to me in a tone that says, "Goodness you're an idiot.) It used to make me angry, but now I just get discouraged about my speech. I have the tendency to repeat what I had said in my head to see where I went wrong. It is quite frustrating.
I Know How You Feel Its Very Upsetting.
Thinking Of You.x
I too have this problem... believe it or not I called my 29 yr old daughter (in front of her 7 yr daughter) that she was a f***ing idiot! and I NEVER swear! I called my 13yr old grandson he was a K**bhead an expression I had never used before??? I've now, 7 months after my A.V.M. Op. I have developed a terrible stammer. I did have it once before, when I had a nervous breakdown??? they thought 12 yrs earlier??? coincidence... I'm not really sure... The stammer I have had before... but the swearing... NEVER!
I rehearse what I'm about to say constantly. Being only 16, I feel the need to because a lot of times, when talking about the AVM, my friends get really uncomfortable. I also found that I get mad/sad very easily now and it takes a lot of work to control my emotions.
this is so me. I have no filter i just say and do what i want. I also have quite a tendency to do and say things that make no sense and are pretty random. Ah dont you just love the brain! You dont know how much this means to me that im not completely broken and weird
My brother needs to do this his Avm has made his ability to use the correct words very difficult. When he is excited or angry he says some crazy stuff. Example we’re getting ready to have a yard sale he brought some of the things left from when he leave his home because of his Avm. I asked how such do you want to sell these things for? He replyed I don’t know why you have to be so demanding. I just looked at him, I asked again. Think about what I asked and why? After a few mins. I asked I would like to know how much you would like sell this things for? He continued to state some prices, much better.
I can relate to this before my wife’s AVM ruptured she was always thoughtful and considerate with her words but ever since it ruptured she just seems to blurt whatever out and half the time she doesn’t even know that she is doing it. She use to never curse but now she will say them and it not even phase her and it can be so embarrassing at times and people just look at her with the weirdest looks. But what can we do but let her know what she is doing and try to help her along the way. Good luck to you and all that have this issue and just have confidence and believe and know that you are not alone
I can relate to the sudden disappearance of the "internal filter". Before my AVM I was very social and enjoyed meeting new people. Now, I noticed that I abruptly ask rude questions without even thinking twice about it. I also tend to interrupt people quite often, because I know I will forget what I am going to say if I wait for them to finish.