AVM Survivors Network

Humiliations, Mockery, Double Standards, Strained Relationships, Depression :(


Santhosh, I have found you inspiring on this website and the posting above is further evidence of your talent. Thank you for writing and I will continue reading! God bless you abundantly!


that's sweet of you Susan..thank you :)



I can't see you ever letting anyone down! Just be true to you and like I said...You inspire me!


OK, now you both inspire me!


Take time for your self and focus on how to meditate, Focus, deep breaths, exhale slowly, close your eyes let you mind take you to all the positive things we have to be thankful for. I would suggest you write down positive things (daily) in your life on paper and look at them every morning. Be selfish and take care of your self first and you will find plenty of friends later. Think Happy Thoughts. Hope this helps you, this is what has helped me. I know we feel all alone, but it really does get better.


Thanks for the inputs Susan :)


I see you are on your 3rd page of replies so again, it is excellent that you posted this discussion.


thank you so much Susan and to all these wonderful people who have poured in their heart.....as i said I am 3 months old in the cognitive rehabilitation & and have 2 more months of hard work to go......the second half as we near the finish line is always very tough where we often feel like giving up......my doctor is a gem of a person, a genius........he himself has many a times acknowledged that he has noticed unique patterns in the way the rehab sessions are progressing in my case......ideally most patients go through memory rehab and then get confidence to remember & multi-task stuff & then discover answers on how to repair their messed up life...BUT in my case its the opposite....i am first going through personality changes & all my anger accumulated frustration & depression for the past 13 yrs is slowly fading away & parallely i am making steady improvement in my memory capacity as well...the duration of my rehab is getting lengthier is what the doctor is saying....thats because my case & circumstances & the way my emotions + memory are directly inter-related is making the duration of my venting & parallely effort on the brain games & exercises a bit longer time...but the doctor has told it is a natural symptom i am going thru as my case is unique & it has nothing to do with me..i am not dragging the delay..its naturally getting a bit dragged...but the doctor is still so much full of positive energy & makes u feel so motivated to get into that MEDICAL LAB every single time.......in this 3 months of hard work I have made a steady progress but not yet qualifying to reach the finish line..theoretically just for explanation purpose....suppose my arm is fractured & i am in a physiotherapy & supposed to lift a dumbell 10 times in 1 minute....i am unable to do it at this stage with this 3 months of hard work pain & effort.....i am still able to life the dumbell only 7 times & not 10 times...so the doctor is making sure i reach their set target of lifting 10 times..this is just a theoretical explanation...in reality i am into so much brain gyming in the doctors cabin...so many unique exercises .....which makes me exhaust every single bucket of energy u stored.....but the doctor acknowledges u have to push urself even if it makes u cry & shout as though u r lifting a really heavy dumbell(theoritically)..... SO I AM IN THAT LAST TOUGH PHASE....SHOULD I SAY CLIMAX....so hopefully in another 2 months maybe end of MAY 2014 I must be able to reach the set targets by the doctors in my Memory Rehab.......I am sure I will be able to reach the finish line with all the love & support & prayers from you well wishers & wonderful people.

with regards to one significant positive personalty change in me that has happened is.....as i said i still have 2 months in my rehab(past 6 months unemployed)...so its stupid on my part to speculate how i will find my suitable job & deal with peer pressure & socialising now itself in April......so as of now i am making that devil in my head to shut up...and just focusing on making these last 2 months click :)



Santhosh patience is often very difficult especially when working to get our health back. I feel for you, I also had depression and was very stressed out for quite a while because Im anxious to try to get back to normal, ha I realize now that you have to give yourself time to heal and I know you will. Allow your self to do your best and never give up. Im here any time you want to talk with a friend. Think Positive I cant stress this enough.


Thank you Susan...i agree time heals everything..we need to give time some time :)


hey guys.... Small update - i know i am always chosen to face tough battles...but this time its a bigger twist.....my formal COGNITIVE REHABILITATION was remarkably progressing for the past 5 months & there was atleast 50% improvement as per my doctor.

UNFORTUNATELY my doctor is now on annual leave for one month upto mid-may & i have to take a break from the sessions for 1 month. May be after my doctor is back it will take 2 more months of hard work to reach the finish line. So in total atleast 3 more months of patience before i complete this 8 months long wait......and also the doctor has asked me to do a lot of homework on the brain gyming to ensure i dont lose these 4 months of hard work..else i will have to again start from scratch.

After facing 1000s of practical constraints i had chosen to be UNEMPLOYED since Oct 2013 to ensure I finish this COGNITIVE REHABILITATION.....so now its gonna be may be 10 months of continuous unemployment.....To avoid idle mind & mood swings I am very active with a social service NGO...so will have to keep my mind busy all 7 days a week in these social services till my doctor returns from his vacation & parallely do the home works & brain gyming prescribed by him.

I hope i reach the finish line this time & complete my rehab successfully & get that completion certificate to prove my unique & rare scenario for employers to believe what i am speaking is the truth & justified.

As i told this time I am not giving up because I have no choice. Please do keep praying for me as always.

Bangalore, India.


I will continue to pray for you, Santhosh!


People like you, who fight for to regain cognitive function, inspire me to do the same. Thanks for sharing your story.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Peace and healing light upon you, Santhosh,


Thank you so much Susan.


Thank you so much Kristy.


Thank you. I thought I was having a bad day. Despite my brain surgery and gamma knife I am doing a job. Some days, the brain works better than others. Today was not good. I couldn’t concentrate nor keep my mind on a subject. Between wondering between subjects or trying to remember why I was looking at a certain file, I had to fake it so people walking by didn’t notice what I was doing. This had me all bummed out.

Then, I read your article. Just because I’ve got a few bump in the road, is no reason to give up. Especially, I can’t let people see this panic I’m in. I have to be calm outside and pretend I know what I’m doing.

I also don’t understand this group ism thing. There is a big problem now with a group going against me at work. One of them attacked me, then lied to get his friends to go after me. The only thing in my favor is they are fighting to try to be superior and I’m just fighting for survival.

Once upon a time I thought I’d become the president of the company. Then came AVM and I’m lucky to drive a car. I was angry I haven’t been promoted in 34 years. But, that’s for the Common man. With AVM, I’m lucky to have a job.

It’s hard to remember what to do. I make lists and try to keep myself organized. More time is spent organizing than doing. When it’s time to think, my mind crawls instead of running. Still, I go back to making lists of what to do.

So, I will read your words several times.


All the best Armand......the difficulties which you have mentioned are pretty much exact same things I face in office or with people or relationships which has an impact on our mental and physical health.

With regards to making lists of what to do, I used to feel embarrassed when others get to see that sheet of paper accidentally...so i used a trick...i pretend to be chatting with friends on my cell phone...but actually m typing that same notes in my cell phone and then saving it in drafts...this way even if your friends meddle with your phone they wont know it is saved in drafts as it is not visible in the inbox.

Wish you all the best.

Bangalore, India.


Robert & santosh there is also a motivational video on youtube with those quotes in and I watch it a lot and its true its about "keep moving forward no matter what".


Thanks Darren :)


Original post was inspirational Thank you. My vm affects my gait. I came into the workplace once after haven fallen outside. I was the subject of rude ridicule! My .eft foot turns out, I walk slowly to avoid falling. I was albloody, broken glasses, swelling immediately. They had seen me thru the window u