Dear All....as i had previously said I underwent my AVM right frontal surgery 13 yrs ago in 2001 at the young age of 15yrs & was in Coma & suffered 98% memory damage. A 15yr old kid who faced this trauma so early in his life would have faced lots of challenges to be on par with his peers be it in academics, social exposure etc.
Since mine is right frontal area in the brain, it had a devastating impact on my personality. I have googled & also read lots of detailed information about various aspects of AVM from authentic websites.
My primary damage was memory power - What u say in 25 secs reaches my brain & gets converted & stored as a memory only after 50 secs. In short it takes the double the time. Which means when i am trying to save the audio what i hear in the first sentence, I am parallely multi-tasking hearing the audio from the second sentence. This causes mix-up & confusion. When this confused mixed up audio is registered confidently by the brain as though it presumes it heard it correctly, it results in positive evaluation of one self that we are doing things right, but the reality is we are registering it wrongly & the peer groups are mocking at us & laughing at us using groupism & social politics. This causes low self-esteem & loss of self-confidence. Also development of hatred, depression, accumulating anger etc etc which directly has an imapact on your daily habits of how peacefully u sleep, to how regularly u eat, to how much nutrients gets supplied to your brain cells, breathing pattern etc etc.
I am still struggling upto date as a 28 yr old man. In India i belong to a urban middle class society, which has a judgemental side on how others must earn, spend their money, when they should get married, have kids, how much part of their income must be spent on leisures & holidaying etc etc. Else they would use groupism & social politics & enter into arguments & mockery on humiliating stuffs like if u r not married till date then u r GAY, If u r not spending a significant money on socialising & liesures then u r a Miser & conjuse who doesn't spend money etc etc.
THEY DO NOT bother about ur memory damage & u being unemployed & have to survive with your little savings till u find a suitable job within your 100s of practical constraints.
You are not allowed to react swiftly to such provocations & humiliations because out of a group of 7-8 people be it in office or social life, the remaining 7 people tend to pass judgement about you, that you are very closed person & cant take it as a joke. They use groupism & make u JOKER & laugh & ridicule you.
The reality is COMMON MAN does not know what is the impact of an AVM surgery, how it damages the brain cells & affects the personality changes, daily habits, lesser social exposure, peer group pressure etc etc.
I am now 4 months old in the Rehab & have a gem of a person as my doctor. He has spent hours together listening to all my venting & contributed to both cognitive memory rehab + personality changes.
But the feedback I still get from the doctor is THE WORLD will remain cruel. You need to choose whether u can accept humiliations & keep relationships or instead argue with common man satisfy your ego & lose relationships.
I fully agree that though I am not the one at fault I must choose relationships over ego, but I have still not been able to keep that devil inside my head to shut up. The humiliations & pain tend to accumulate over years & affect our physical health, mental health, food habits, breathing pattern etc etc.
I am looking for suggestions on how I can fine-tune myself to live in such a world. I am not angry but just in some pain. I actually have stopped being wild venting at home. Now over the last 6 months its only productive discussions & pain venting with family & well wishers.
I hope I have the right to feel pain & let out my depression & tears.