Boyfriend is in a new rehab, just got off Oxycontin (his request), he still can't move his left side, but is using standing machines (frame and table) to work out muscles he hasn't used in 5 months. He isn't reasoning very well and I'm really getting emotionally exhausted. I hate saying that, but it's so true. I can't call him anymore because he's so hot and cold. One minute he's saying he needs me the next he's cussing me out.
Please tell me some experiences you've had whilst recovering... I need some new kinds of hope, not that I'm ungrateful, but I'm worried. Thanks.
Sorry to hear that you are having such a struggle. I would highly recommend you find a competent counselor to help you work through your struggles. Hopefully, at some point, if your boyfriend comes around, he can join you in counseling sessions.
Life altering medical things have a way to really dump the stress on people. Our relationship was solid, but we still did some individual, couple, and family counseling to help all of us work through the near death from an AVM of my wife. It helped each of us, including our elementary age kids.
Best wishes to you. It's great that you are willing to stand by him, but in the giant scheme of things, you have to also look out for your own interests too. You don't want to subject yourself to a lifetime of hateful discussions.
You reminded me that I did that too. It seems like forever ago, but it really wasn’t.
I’m very familiar with the hot and cold emotions too. I’m sorry that this must be incredibly frustrating.
There was a social worker who was able to lend some support to my main supporters when I was in rehab. Is that an option for you? There is also a sub-group on here - that support will probably help too.
Thanks, guys. I'm really trying to stay strong and continue to support as much as I have been already, but his nasty moods make it a little difficult, even though I'm calm and loving to him still. He is very VERY hot and cold!! I'm SO glad you've had similar experiences with the moods and that you are able to overcome (either naturally or with counseling). Counseling has been iffy for me because my mindset is 'if they can't give me information about his condition, then I'm not going to feel any better', but maybe I really should consider it for myself first and continue after he's able to understand how he's felt throughout this whole experience. I also found out I was pregnant 2 weeks after he fell into a coma, and so he knows about the baby now and he's pretty excited, but I'm still questioning if he understands and I should've taken into consideration that news isn't very light, so maybe he's overwhelmed...? I don't know, but I want my best friend/boyfriend back!
Hi, Ashtinshayne - sorry it's been really rough lately :(. I was extremely ornery when I was first recovering. I gave lots of people a hard time, I pretty much told everyone "Go AWAY" - even when I couldn't talk, I mouthed it. Even to my poor father. (No commentary on him - I love Daddy! But sometimes when you're sick you just want Mom, you know?) Also every time he walked by I'd put my two fingers in front of my eyes and then gesture in his direction like, "That's right, Daddy - these eyes are watching you." Thankfully he's not too aware of these things and was just glad I was awake enough to acknowledge him. Or else he maybe blocked that part out. When I began to go to rehab I was awfully tired and cranky (Bad reaction to a med). I was unhappy about everyone and everything. And then my Mommy told me that there is a standard of behavior to be observed even if you have sustained a major brain injury. She's pretty hardcore, but the most loving person EVER. And that shook me out of my funk bc once I started to exert myself I felt more like me again. Meanwhile, there should be neuropsychs on staff where you are - there have always been neuropsychs at my rehab hospitals and at first I was automatically assigned to one. As Ron and Jules suggest, do talk to a professional if you can! I'm not surprised by the emotional roller coaster - but this doesn't make it any less painful. (hugs). www.annninglearninghow.com
I have no idea how my husband made it through....makes it through. It's been 2+ years and I still put him through hell with my emotions constantly going up and down. One day a certain thing or action will make me exceptionally happy and the very next day the exact same thing or action will have the complete opposite reaction/response from me. It is very difficult to be in the position your boyfriend is in. I am hemiparetic with very little use of the left side of my body and I can tell you it is a dream crusher to be in this position; especially if you are a young adult (I was 27, yes I consider that young). From a hemiparetic and parental position, expect more ups and downs. I was 13 weeks pregnant when I had my bleed; 20 weeks pregnant when I had the craniotomy. It didn't hit me until the baby was in my arm just how limited I would be with my own child and it is one of the most troubling things about my situation still. Every day I am learning new ways to do things, to handle them and to work around them.
My husband practices extreme patience and when I have one of my breakdowns, he doesn't talk but he listens and that's about all I need sometimes. He's learned the language of my emotions and he knows when it's time to back off or step in and ease my troubles. It's a lot of work for him and I am always apologizing to him (which he says sometimes makes it worse on him). But he says we are in this for better or for worse, unfortunately, we got stuck in an indefinite zone of "for worse."
There is this articleI had my husband read a few weeks ago. He read it; it doesn't offer much advice other than links and whatever else to get help. But he said he enjoyed it because it was nice to know that what we experience as a couple is actually pretty normal when one teammate is "injured." That's another important piece of the puzzle. This is a team, you and your boyfriend. It is important you both work on this and each other...for each other. It will be difficult for you, no denying that, but it is important for you to understand it is difficult for him too. For me, I had to find myself again (a journey I am still on) and I will have to redefine myself but I am willing to be patient. It took me 27 years to be where I was before my stroke; I can't expect myself to return in only 2 years post-stroke. I hope the best for ya'll :)