These dreaded words will forever haunt me “MOM MY BIRTHMARK HURTS” those are the first words in October that set the tone for the struggling journey we were on . This morning as I was getting ready for work and Madison was watching a movie with her best friends she came upstairs holding her cheek looked at me and said “mom my birthmark hurts”. In that one instant my heart stopped beating. I felt the weight of the words come rushing back on to my shoulders…she must have noticed the disappointment in my face cause she pushed on it a little bit looked at herself in the mirror and said it just hurts a little mom it will be ok and she danced off to go back to her movie. I know how hard this is on me and I cant imagine what goes through her head as well. She knows we are waiting this out and she also knows what her future may possibly hold for her. Now Im back to all the damn questions…why does it hurt all of a sudden. Maybe it will be her dreaded period. She is at that age. I have been nervous about her period since I knew that it can really impact the severity of her avm. The doctors also told me that she can have painful avm episodes every month when she has her period. I hope that is not why its bothering her. I will keep my eyes on her closely as this is when me being neurotic kicks in. I feel so sick to my stomach this morning. We have been doing so well lately. I never forget about the avm its always in the back of my mind but her and I were able to find peace with it. I will keep you updated.
Ugg. I know that feeling of utter panic.
Deep breaths, Maddy’smom. One day at a time. I really think you’ll know when you need to act on this more but it so crappy to live with that worry every day.
Sending you big cyber hugs! XXXXXX
I know exactly how you feel!! Everytime Nico tells me “Mom my head hurts.” My heart stops… and I think is it starting?? Then we play the 20 question game… where does it hurt? why does it hurt? Did you hit your head? Are you hungry? I haven’t found peace with it… I just keep praying that someday it will all be over and he will somehow be a better person because of all this. God bless!
Oh Sherri! I know that sucks. And poor Maddy…your description of her seeing your devastation and then trying to minimize it…that is heartbreaking! What a caring daughter you have. She is worried about you! Try not too worry too much, as the worrying won’t ever actually help. (easier said than done, right?) Just stay cognizant of it. If you think this could be related to hormones and her period, start tracking it. Keep a “pain” journal and see if a pattern emerges…
Hang in there lady!