Welcome to Ben’s Friends.
I must agree with everything DickD has posted and say recovery takes time. Post craniotomy I had a whooshing sound in my head which was amplified when I was walking, like the fluid was rushing from one ear to the other. Very disconcerting. But over time (years) it has reduced, it still messes with my balance but the whooshing has reduced.
I must say you sound a bit like me, previously I had 2 speeds, full tilt and stopped. The whole idea of pacing was very foreign and I HATED it. I tried to convince myself I was building stamina, the reality was more like I was driving myself into the ground. My body was giving me signs, but I ignored the signs and just pushed harder. Ahhh, don’t do that. I pushed too hard too soon and did myself more harm than good, requiring further surgery. Listen to your body, it will tell you. But only if you listen and read the signs.
I have a bit of a ‘Love/Hate’ relationship with the neuros (I love to hate them ) Some are great… …in the operating theatre, but their human relation skills are next to nil. I had one tell me regarding my symptoms “Well, that can’t be happening…” but it was. I have enough of an issue accepting all of this for myself, to then have a neuro dismiss my reported symptoms. I was not happy. He then stated "I’m the dr, I’ve done years of study, so I know… …you, you’re just the patient. You wouldn’t know…’ and that made my blood boil. You can read all the textbooks in the world, but the reality of living through all of this is no simple thing. No book education can ever give the education reality of living it can.
And then there’s the psychological side of it all. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again:-
“If anybody, and I mean ANYBODY ever tells you this is an easy thing to deal with, they have NEVER been in this position. They have never had to deal with anything like it, so how would they know?”. I have heard a lot of anecdotal theories ie 'My friend ‘John’ had one of those and he’s OK…" But no 2 are exactly the same, with exactly the same symptoms, treatments nor outcomes. So IMO trying to draw a straight line between patients and symptoms is near on impossible.
For me life has changed (and not for the best). My acceptance of those changes has been a very bitter pill to swallow and for a long time I did not want to accept it all and I fought against it. This did my psych more harm than good as I could not achieve my own goals, so I pushed harder, which increased symptoms making it harder to reach those goals, so I pushed harder… ….and around I go again. The frustration with self was HUGE. I was a damn mess. I had to learn to accept and I didn’t want to accept ‘This’. Who would? But the reality was I had no choice but to accept.
As DickD states “I’d say pretend you’re 60 for a few months, not in your 30s. Seriously.” And I SERIOUSLY have to agree. You’ve had some major neurosurgery, give yourself a break. I only wish I had. Seriously.
Merl from the Moderator Support Team