Sorry I have been out of the loop for a while. Things have just been crazy. Getting done with school moving back home for the summer finding jobs hanging out with long lost friends and trying to find some time to relax. So needless to say its been nuts w/o dealing with the lovely stresses of an AVM.
As most of you probably know I had my cyberkinfe treatment and everything went fine. Haven’t had any real serious problems or anything at all really. The steriods were pretty crazy made me hungry constantly and really on edge about everything, but somehow i managed to lose weight?!?!? I still haven’t quite gotten that one figured out yet! : )
But i hope that everyone is doing well!! I am doing the best i can to keep my head up and a positive attitude…however I started losing my hair a couple of weeks ago. And i feel so stupid…and feel like i shouldn’t care as much as I do, and feel like I should be greatful that that is the only thing really “going wrong” but I am so upset about it. I am embaressed and don’t want to really go anywhere, but I can’t just bail on my friends and I have to go to work. But everytime people look at me I feel like that is all they see. And they have no idea whats going on…and I don’t want to tell them. At first it was just a few patches here and there but now they are almost impossible to camoflauge and it makes me sick everytime i see it. I just went to the cosmotologist at the hospital last week to see what we can do and got 8 inches cut off my hair so its now at my shoulders and it was so depressing for me. Why is something this simple, something that will grow back over time making me SO depressed?? I guess I just don’t understand how I can have gone through all that I have dealt with these past few months and then have something like this make me feel this low…
I have always prided myself on being a positive, upbeat, outgoing person. But I feel now like I have lost my confidence. I don’t know what to do anymore really. I don’t know how to deal with this.
In all honesty I know how lucky I am, and I know how many of you have had it so much worse than me. And I thank God everyday for everything I have been given and all I have been blessed with. I guess that’s why I don’t know why this is affecting me this hard, because I know how good and how easy I have it…
All right I got it out of me…feels a little better I suppose, I mean I can’t really talk to anyone that really knows how this feels so this is always helpful! I really hope that all of you are doing well. My prayers and thoughts are with all of you always, even though I might not make it on here at all times! But I love you all! And pray for you everynight adn think of you every day. I am going to do my best to get on here more often as well!!
I hope everyone has a great holiday weekend!! : )