I´m so *f* tired of this. How long will this take me? And how far will I go before I give up?
Last night my arm stoped working. Just woulden´t move. Today I can move it a bit but not good. My hospital doesen´t seem to care, they´re gonna call me in 6 days... feels like I just could stop breathing and no one would care.
Mabye it would be better. Can´t be easy living with me now days! I´m not the same person anymore, and I can´t find a way to accept the new... monica or what I should call it.
I feel retarded!!! I can´t read and understand, I can´t participate in a conversation without loosing the thread. I just feel stupid around people. I don´t wanna meet them so They can find out just how stupid I am!
Mabye Im affraid. I don´t know. Hard to see how other people could accept me and like me when I don´t!!!
I want to run away, Far away! Start my life over were no one knows me... Like that would be any easyer.
I cant finnish school and be a criminologist that I dream of. I can´t even help my 11 year old with his home work...is this the way my life is going to be? Am I going to loose my body functions every now and then? Can I never drive a car out in the woods just to clear my mind or cry out my sorrows again? Can I never again go to a PTA, or cheer on my sons bandy games? Is my brain gonna stop me from participating in my sons activity´s or in the every day life?
That´s not what I want! That´s not me! Thats not a life for me!
Mabye I should just wonder of, lay down somewhere and just stop breathing.....