I was going to respond to the post, but for some reason it won’t let me. So, this post is a response to Help, I Need Somebody, Not Just Anybody. Help Needed!. Dick, Merl or any of the other moderators, if I didn’t link that right, please correct it and let me know what I should have done so I can learn.
The post I tried to link to was a very thoughtful and well laid out assessment of the whole issue of needing help. I want to make one thing perfectly clear…
I fail at admitting that I need help.
I will have no problem going to the doctor for a medical issue, but admitting that my brain is overwhelmed and I can’t process the details that I used to know (of things like paying bills, remembering kids schedules, things like that) or physical things like admitting that I shouldn’t be climbing ladders and I can’t take the dogs for a walk because I would probably fall. I suck at admitting that.
I want to be the guy I used to be. The guy who could bring home more than enough money so that we could live comfortably. The guy who could multi-task with the best of them. The guy who won free trips for job performance. The guy who played a key role in raising $250,000 in 90 days so the orphanage my kids came from could build a home rather than seeing their rent double about every other year.
I want to be that guy. That guy didn’t need help. Or not very much help. And that guy’s wife could be a full time mom and a part time nurse. And she would be much happier than she is now.
But I’m not that guy any more. I can’t multi-task like I used to. I used to love to talk on the phone, now I cringe when the phone rings. I used to remember names from 10 years ago very well. Now I can’t remember the names of someone I met last year - or someone who lived with us for 6 months when she moved back from Haiti.
I need help but I don’t want help. I need to accept my weaknesses and accept that they are going to be long term (if not permanent). I need to learn how to deal with them so they are opportunities to get help before they cause bigger problems.
And I need to figure out how to get my family to realize that I’m not missing these things because I’m lazy or I spend too much time watching TV or whatever. I need help because I can’t do everything I used to.
Okay, confession time over, now the questions:
How do you come to terms with the limits you have and the help you need? 6 months into it, I thought I was doing okay with learning to come to terms with it. 14 months in, I think I’m not doing so well.
How do you help those around you realize that even though you look normal, you aren’t? If I showed you pictures of me from the summer of 2017 and now, I would look similar (a little less hair, a little more weight but…). But I am not the same person. I mean, yes, I am the same person, but that person can’t do and think and process the same things the same way.
How do you deal with it when someone close to you gets really upset because you didn’t follow through on things that you normally should (like making sure the kids did their homework while Mom was at work). #askingforafriend #hah
How do you explain that one of the reasons you need help is because it feels like someone is tapping on your head with a rubber mallet? All the time- sometimes it’s a little kid tapping nicely. Some times it’s your obnoxious younger brother from when he was in middle school and sometimes it’s the obnoxious neighbor next door. Varying speed, varying strength, varying pain, but always knocking…
That knocking wears me out and makes it so hard to think - and that’s only one of the symptoms that messes with me.
I need help. And I need help figuring out how to need help - the right help.
Wow, this went in a different way than I planned. Sorry for being so long winded…