HI!
It is understandable your feelings… Remember my friend,be strong and positive…Remember is like a Journey, for us…Please do not give up remember your kids they need you too…Good luck and god bless.
You will see everything is gonna be okay…
I realize it has been several months since you made this post but I just saw it and thought I’d respond. First, I know it’s late but welcome to the site. 
I’m so sorry to hear that you have gone through so much, but know we’re here and you can vent anytime (you probably already know this by now). Second, have the kids been tested for HHT? I’ve looked at all the posts but I didn’t see the outcome. If it’s there I apologize. Best of luck to you and your family and hang in there!