An explanation for my absence

Thankyou for all the support I received for my story, glad I was able to make you laugh.

I have been absent from the site for awhile now, been fighting the black dog. Somewhere on my life journey I seem to have misplaced my daughter. I do not know if my behavioral problems are related to the avm (I really believe they are) but drs tend to disagree. I have been overly critical, opinionated (well that one is down to me methinks)and with anger management issues, not violent just verbal. These have driven my daughter and hence her daughter from my life. This in turn brings on the black dog, I have fought this cycle of depression and highs for a long time now. I have been diagnosed as cyclothymic (mild form of bi-polar disorder).
The black dog becomes harder to cope with when an anniversary comes up as I know I will not here from my daughter (only child) and this month was my bday.
I would be interested to know if any other avm sufferers have been diagnosed with this disorder.

I will continue my story soon if you are still interested in following my journey.

Hi Cranberry, I remember communicating with you before and I wasn't familiar with the black dog concept so thanks for the explanation. I will keep you in my prayers and I hope you were able to enjoy your birthday although I am sure it was tinged with sadness in light of the situation with your daughter. It's great you reached out here as I'm sure your posting will help others. No, I do not share your personality challenges although I have been surprised by some of my quirks during this health journey. Recently, I mentioned to a third person that my son's girlfriend (acquired after my brain injury) thinks that this sweet, positive person is who I've always been while I have been attributing my personality to my neurosurgeon's tweaking of my brain. Well, when the third person said to me that I've always been sweet, I realized I can no longer blame the doctor ... lol.

Feel free to contine your story.


I have had problems with many personal relationships. I’ve been kicked out of my birth family and lost friends that I knew for decades. I’m having serious problems with coworkers and bosses. In most of these cases, it’s not my fault. These people were doing bad things to me or others I love. Sometimes it’s my fault, but I didn’t do anything real bad. I don’t really understand why these problems are happening.

I’ve never really been good at dealing with people. Once I had the seizures, AVM, and surgeries; things have been worse. Now, I’m starting to limit my interactions with people. This is my effort to reduce any more catastrophes. I really wish I had a better answer for you on this one.