I am new to this, but I am already quickly understanding that our loved ones do not understand what we think, or our fears. The fear I have doesn’t go away, sometimes it’s just hidden real well inside me. The worry gets masked with a warm smile and a chuckle. The emotional pain and heartache that we fight are something our loved ones hopefully will never have to bear a second of. I don’t expect anyone to completely understand what goes through my mind all day long, and what keeps me restless at night. I just want them to realize that with all that is going on in my mind each day, I put on my happy face and go about my normal day- because that is what everyone says will make me feel better. At some point I agree, I need to do things and have a good time. On the other hand, sometimes emotion gets the best of me. Like now I would love to curl up with my favorite pj’s on and maybe just maybe feel sorry for myself- for just a bit. BUT- is that ok? Is it ok to get mad and want to do that? Is is ok to get mad at our loved ones when we just don’t think they will ever get how we feel?
Yes, it is absolutely okay to stay in your pajamas all day and get really mad. Obviously its not something you should do forever, but its perfectly healthy to feel this way. If you hold it in, it will just feel worse. People who have not been through this can’t really fathom the impact this thing has on us. You are among people who really do understand. Feel free to vent.
I played “free cell”, which is like solitaire, on my computer for about 20 hours a day for a week after I was diagnosed. In pajamas. Crying. Not a recommendation, but just wanted to let you know, everyone of us goes through something similar. You are not alone.
Feel free to have a pity party once in a while, Sarah. It’s perfectly natural to feel sorry for yourself or mad about your situation once in a while! Over all, I’ve handled this whole thing very well, but every so often I have a pity party for myself and come on here and ask if anyone would like to join me! lol That’s what’s so great about our group…we undserstand what you’re going through! I’m sending you a big hug, Sarah. XXXX