So, i realize this is a completely illogical reaction, but has anyone else felt a lot of guilt upon diagnosis? It doesn't make any sense, but I feel really guilty about it.. Like I somehow failed my family for having to have this wierd medical problem... Of course, there is the normal fear and helplessness.. Which i'm hoping will get better after I have the angiogram and they can give me a clearer picture of next steps. But the guilty feelings are really hard to explain to anyone without them thinking i'm just being crazy. :-(
Steph, I do understand "The feeling " very well as well the feeling of loss, strange but from those I have talked with this is somewhat normal, uncomfortable but normal for US lol and do not be discouraged things will smooth out rather you will feel more at ease. I think that the feelings can be more difficult to deal with than the actual injury but remain faithful sister lots of good people here to help you through it. Have a great day. Chad
Certainly there are many feelings which we all have experienced and the fact is that unless you have experienced an AVM, the average person including doctors themselves, can’t honestly explain what you really feel inside. The “feelings” which are often described by professionals are based on what patients have stated to them while under their care. My intent here is not to discredit in any way what a doctor will tell you about the feelings you may or may not be having. But, what I’m trying to say is that only you know how you feel and your expressing them accordingly.
My feelings in 1988, which is going back a long time, were of hopelessness, helplessness, sorrow and many others. In terms of guilt, I only felt guilty about losing almost 6 months of my life because I was hospitalized and felt like I was prisoner in the hospital. I didn’t like the fact that I lost 6 months of time (in a coma) and that the world had passed me by. Now, in retrospect today I look at it as valuable learning experience and if anything it has inspired me to give to those who did not have as good of fortune as I.
And, it’s worth repeating what you said in your statement, “But, the guilty feelings are really hard to explain to anyone…” Because, anyone else can’t really understand how you feel. My advice would be to think of the glass being always half full or completely full. In other words, look at where you are today and what could have been.
Thanks for the thoughts, Michael… Reading people’s experiences on here make me feel very grateful for the extent of my issue. I really am blessed compared to a lot of folks on here…
Steph
Michael A. Contés II said:
Steph,
Certainly there are many feelings which we all have experienced and the fact is that unless you have experienced an AVM, the average person including doctors themselves, can’t honestly explain what you really feel inside. The “feelings” which are often described by professionals are based on what patients have stated to them while under their care. My intent here is not to discredit in any way what a doctor will tell you about the feelings you may or may not be having. But, what I’m trying to say is that only you know how you feel and your expressing them accordingly.
My feelings in 1988, which is going back a long time, were of hopelessness, helplessness, sorrow and many others. In terms of guilt, I only felt guilty about losing almost 6 months of my life because I was hospitalized and felt like I was prisoner in the hospital. I didn’t like the fact that I lost 6 months of time (in a coma) and that the world had passed me by. Now, in retrospect today I look at it as valuable learning experience and if anything it has inspired me to give to those who did not have as good of fortune as I.
And, it’s worth repeating what you said in your statement, “But, the guilty feelings are really hard to explain to anyone…” Because, anyone else can’t really understand how you feel. My advice would be to think of the glass being always half full or completely full. In other words, look at where you are today and what could have been.
Thanks Chad! Things definitly are getting better the more I learn…
Chad Oney said:
Steph, I do understand "The feeling " very well as well the feeling of loss, strange but from those I have talked with this is somewhat normal, uncomfortable but normal for US lol and do not be discouraged things will smooth out rather you will feel more at ease. I think that the feelings can be more difficult to deal with than the actual injury but remain faithful sister lots of good people here to help you through it. Have a great day. Chad
I guess I understand. I felt guilty following my craniotomy that i couldn’t do everything for my kids that I wanted to and I had to ask them to step up and clean the house and take care of the baby…but then I made myself realize they are learning an important life lesson…that when someone goes through something terrible, you have to step up and help them through it. But remember this is not your fault…it’s not like you did something stupid to cause this to happen to you.
I wonder if the guilty feeling is partly a roundabout way of feeling in control again. Since guilt implies that we were in control of the outcome, maybe it’s the mind’s way of protecting us from being overwhelmed with helpless feelings…?
Maybe that’s what it is… That I have always been able to take care of the things I needed to. I guess it is a good chance to teach the kiddos a life lesson.
mary kate said:
I guess I understand. I felt guilty following my craniotomy that i couldn’t do everything for my kids that I wanted to and I had to ask them to step up and clean the house and take care of the baby…but then I made myself realize they are learning an important life lesson…that when someone goes through something terrible, you have to step up and help them through it. But remember this is not your fault…it’s not like you did something stupid to cause this to happen to you.
JH, that makes a lot of sense… It’s crazy how the brain works to manage our feelings.
JH said:
I wonder if the guilty feeling is partly a roundabout way of feeling in control again. Since guilt implies that we were in control of the outcome, maybe it’s the mind’s way of protecting us from being overwhelmed with helpless feelings…?
I hope wakeing up with a migrane was good timeing. It was nice typeing to you. I hope it all works out for you.
I would like to say first off any time you have a brain bleed you are having a fourm of TBI and this can mess with the way you think. Secondly It ok to have to go throw this. I was so up and down and twisted up in side after I found out I was all most in a state of shock and a state of I told you A___ H___ Doctors you had been missing some thing. The feelings you are having to deal with are ok to have and deal with. Talk to your best friend and family (and here) to work throw it.
Set the time a side to go throw this. It is ok! You Just had a brain bleed.
The up sides to this are Not every one gets to say "Just got off the phone with MY brain surgen"
You are now 100% a one in a million.
You are now getting a deeper education about the brain first hand.
I found out about my AVM only a couple weeks before surgery, and since I’ve been really weird emotionally. It’s not exactly a mortality complex, but I feel guilty for not taking advantage of everything thrown at me or feeling apathetic about anything. I also I have a lot more internal pressure to /be something/, or do something great, get excellent grades, that kind of thing.
Steph, your feelings are perfectly natural. After five years, I am still feeling angry that I can’t do a lot of things any more. Because of my numb left hand, I can’t even put on a bra myself! It is so humiliating! I feel so guilty having to ask my daughter to help me do that and so many other things. My children should be enjoying life instead of constantly worrying about me. More guilt! lol
Steph I have been dealing with my avm journey for over 3 years now. I have a Husband and 6 yr old son and I feel guilty all the time for having an avm. I can’t work and therefor collect social security. I know exactly how you feel. Some days I know its not my fault and there is nothing i can do about it but i feel like i can’t provide for them the way i could before i started treatment. Just take it one day at a time and our families don’t understand why we feel guilty, and that is what this avm family is for to make you feel and know that its ok to feel that way! Best of luck to you God bless
Hi!
My opinion it is more like depression, I had the same feeling at the beginning of my avm, that everybody was feeling sorry for me that like my family,and husband was gonna have a problem to carrie and friends to that can’t go to the gym, and not to go to school, I was feeling devastated I was going outside for anything, I was thinking some many years helping people my family my husband and friends for what. But I learned that I have to accepted my condition with faith that some day I will be okay…Im still on antidepressants with lower dosages>…What help the most back up of my family, and Husband moral support from them did help…Good luck God Bless…Have faith everything will be okay…Do not give up though…
