What if?

I’m bleeding again, just like I predicted. My consultant did an angiogram, 95% if the AVM is obliterated. I was over the moon, maybe no more treatment. There are lows to this amazing high, I am still bleeding; I struggle to leave my house in case the bleed is bad. I know it won’t happen, but what if it did? I saw my consultant the other week, there is a possibility they can remove the remaining bit, amazing right? I will lose a few teeth and a bit of bone, but I have defied odds and lived. I’m scared though. What if I die during the procedure? What if it doesn’t help? What is I can’t cope after the operation, I know there will be people around me but I have worked extremely hard to get out of hospital, but what if? This might be the thing that gives me a ‘normal’ life, but I still have the memories, this thing inside of me. It’s killing me slowly, not physically, but mentally. I try to live as normal as I can, but now the thought of having more surgery scares me so much. I have exams around the time of my next consultation, so I don’t know how I’m going to cope being this anxious. They have had a meeting about what will be best for me, I just have to sit back and wait I guess.

Nikki. Please do not live in fear...it can hurt you more than the AVM. I want you to read Steve's profile...
He has lived life to the fullest and with an AVM in his face too!

Stay Strong, Nikki. What Barbara wrote is so true...Live your life to the fullest...You are 95% through your journey...Stay Strong!