I did really hope that it wasn't true. That I could be OK.
That there was hope.
Now, I don't know anymore.
Life is precious. But it's only when we are about to come to the conclusion that we are close to loosing it, that we really understand just how precious it is. And that's really sad.
I love life. But I don't love what humans has done with it. With the planet.
Yes, I just rabble on now. Cause I'm just so sad right now and there's so many thoughts going on inside of my head.
And surely I'm overreacting. Cause there could be worse. I have a big AVM in my brain, yes, but it hasn't ruptured yet atleast.
But the most annoying part is to not know.
To not know how dangerous it actually is. Could it rupture now? In a year? In ten years? Can I have kids? Should i even bother finding myself a husband? Or should I just enjoy life the last years of my life? Stop working and travel to see most of the beauty in this world.
I DON'T KNOW. The doctors seems not to know.
Ok, I know that no one knows when their days has come and it's their time to pass on to the (hopefully) next life or heaven or whatever. But what I know is that there's not only the chance to be hit by a car tomorrow, or get shot or fall and die. There's also a chance of me dying because of my stupid veins in the excellent position in my brain.
I don't know. I just wanted to print some thoughts while crying over the last MRI pictures of my brain.
I went to this optional doctor (sort of acupuncture) and thought that it would help. She said it herself, you're going to be OK. I stopped taking my epilepsy medication and I was living my life as usual again. I was going to be healthy again.
That was a lie. I live in a big lie. I'm Mia and I have a large AVM in my brain. Just stop denying it! It will not disappear!
You, whoever that reads this. I hope mankind will all die except humans with a big heart, caretakers of the world, the nature and all animals. That's my wish.