Well.... here goes nothin'

I’ve been debating a lot as to whether I should blog here. Sure, I have a lot of thoughts on the subject, but every other website I attend to, I leave those tidbits out of my blogs. I don’t feel like I want the whole world to know about my AVM. Part of me says ‘why not’ because then maybe people would understand me better, but every time I’ve finally brought it up (and how do you really bring that up anyway?) people always get all freaked out and concerns and don’t know how to deal with it. Even my friend who does know and still just asks how ‘my thing’ is. I love her sentiment in checking in on me, but I just feel like it’s weird to her.

It’s been… what… 8 years since my first seizure now… although only a few years since I actually knew why. I really just pushed it away and ignored it for so long now. All of a sudden it’s rushed up and smacked me and I feel completely overwhelmed all over again. I think partially it’s because I know I’m married now and it’s not just me I have to think of anymore. I wish I’d dealt with this sooner, but I guess I’d always thought later would be a better time and it’s not been. I guess I’d thought too that at some point I’d have more money to pay for it… fat chance there. How does anyone face the financial impact of this? No one’s been able to give me an answer there.

Then there’s the medical side of course. I’m 28. My husband wants children, but how do I do that? Last time it only took 6 months without drugs to start seizures again and I would need 9 months. I wouldn’t be able to deal with myself if I hurt our baby. It all seems so overwhelming.

Beth, you have to take care of yourself before you have a baby. Even if you have a healthy baby, he/she will need a healthy mommy. Do you have any health insurance?

Oh yeah I have insurance, but it doesn’t seem like that would make much of a dent.

Beth,

It is up to you to start a family.
Not telling you what you should do. But my son has the birthmark on his ass. Which is any concern to you. My wife has it on her breast and I have it in my head.
So just loosen up about the subject and just do what comes natural. eeeehhhh!!!

Sincerely,

Troy

LIVE YOUR LIFE ON THIS BEAUTIFUL EARTH AS LONG AS YOU CAN!!!

And this WEBSITE is like no other…