Very new to this

Truth be told I don't know if I belong here, all my symptoms and family history point to my having cerebral avm but I am still awaiting a ct to confirm or not. I'm here because I'm scared. For perhaps the first time in my life I'm scared about myself, my own future, and in truth I'm ashamed of that fear. I'm not supposed to be scared for myself, I'm the one people turn to when they need help getting through things. Like I said I'm not positive I even have this condition but that scares me most of all. I'm 25, turning 26 in a week, and until this morning when the doctor scheduled me for a ct scan i never actually gave any doubt to my own mortality. Everything goal I have set for myself i have acheived, I was an officer in the army and am currently getting my master's degree and all my challenges until now have been external. How can defeat a part of myself?
Now I feel I have been betrayed by myself.
Worst than being betrayed by myself it is my brain which has betrayed me. My brain which has always been my closest friend and best asset. I wish this headache would go away.
I live alone and my parents live on another continent. I can't really talk to them about this because they worry about me as it is and I wouldn't burden them with this until I know for sure. In truth I don't really have anyone to turn to. I don't get close to many people and the people I am close to I wouldn't turn to because like I said I'm the one who provides support to them, the worst thing I could possibly imagine is to become a burden on someone else. Everyone has their own problems I don't need to add to them. My sister's the only one I've talked to and even then I laughed it of saying that it will be cool to see inside my brain.
That's why I'm here turning to the internet. It's funny, I minored in Sociology during my bachelors and had a course about health and the internet where most of the course had to do with support forums and how people interact in them. How people say to strangers thing they do say to anyone else. I understood it then but only now do I really understand.
Well there it is... my rant about myself. I can't help feeling that it is selfish and egotistical for me to burden anyone else with this, but I guess it is what it is.

Hi Shalom. Welcome to the site. There are over 5180 members on here. If you click on members at the top of the page then do Advanced Search you will see several members from Israel.
You are in the OMG (oh my God) this cannot be happening to me phase. We all go through it. Just remember it says Survivors at the top of the page not victims. Also remember it says we are here for your SUPPORT!

We are all connected, Please stay strong & positive :o)

This is not at all selfish or egotistical, Shalom. You’re just being human. This site is where you belong right now. Keep posting!


You have confine your most inner feelings to a group of people that truly understand your fears and concerns about your symptoms. No matter what the outcome is from your scan, you have made a lots of new frineds here, so,stay strong, positive, and keep us posted.


Welcome Shalom. You are neither selfish nor egotistical for being concerned. But take it one step at a time and know that we are here to help and to listen.

Dear Shalom,

I understand your fears, and you came to the right place. I am new to this forum. A friend found it for me. Like you, this came at a time of my life where i felt I had it all going on for me. I have been the happiest these past few years and now I am faced to a uncertain future, if any. There are a lot of people here to listen to you and nobody will ever judge you. Most of us as of what i have seen, are strong, positive people. We have to. But you know what, even the strongest people need to cry and vent and share their fears. I felt the same way about not telling my parents as well. I too live far away from them. They do know now, but they dont know how serious it is. I have kept this very private too... i never post about it on facebook, and people would be shocked if they know what im going thru. BUT< we need a place where we can let it all out!!

I started a blog when i found out, and it has helped to write about it. Also, a girl from Israel found me. She has become a dear friend of mine. I told her to join this site :) I can get you two in contact thru email if you want. She is very nice. I am not sure what city she is located... She lives alone as well.

So yeah… First off thanks for the kind replies. Yesturday was hard which is weird as I actually didn’t learn anything new. It was only that I have been in half denial for a little more than a year, hoping that norhing was wrong and not following up on actually checking as long as i felt ok. Venting here helped I must say, putting my feelings down in words has enabled me to control them. I’ve decided to take my own advice and not to worry about things beyond my control. What will be will be and in the meen time I can only wait and see. As for now the sun is shining, i have a thesis to write, and lofe goes on.

Welcome Shalom.
You don't need to apologize for what you are feeling. It's new and it's anxiety inducing. I understand your mortality comment. It's not a great time to learn that but it also makes you realize how precious life really is and why it shouldn't be wasted.
Give yourself a bit of time to adjust to your new situation.

Shalom - Welcome to the site. All emotions are valid here and not judged, so you are free to feel and share your emotions here, in a safe environment. Waiting for the results of your CT scan is always a long wait, or at least feels like one. Please keep us posted and be sure to check out other people on the site who are from Israel as well. I'm friend's with someone who's daughter has an extremity AVM from Israel, so let me know if you would like to chat with her. Please keep us posted.


My apologies for not posting sooner. I am a graduate student and also still trying to keep up here. I have a BBA, MBA, and working on getting my LPC right now. Bottom line, you ARE strong, and you have met so many goals at a rather young age and that is phenomenol. But stuff happens to all of us on this journey. How you respond to those challenges is what defines you. Remember that. This is a support group and the over 5100 members here are all kind and understanding people who have been through their own journey so they understand. Feel free to vent or do whatever else you need to do to get help you navigate this journey. We are so glad you found us and hope it helps in some way. Just remeber, although you may feel alone right now, we always have your back! :J

hey have reached the right place to share your apprehensions & fears....i am the same age as i fully understand what is the meaning of planning up a future n then get a hint that it is uncertain... all that i can say is keep your mind very busily occupied in your daily routine as a CHOICE...presume as though no such AVM news was known to you...then you will hardly go thru any speculation or worry in ur mind...

but as i said its very easy to advice but difficult to do it... n i remind u its difficult but not impossible.... GOD IS NOT MAD if he chose you to face this challenge.... he did it bcoz u r strong enough...

keep faith... n good luck..


Hi, Shalom. What you're feeling is perfectly normal! You are not being selfish or egotistical at all.
This situation is frightening...but you have come to the right place to voice your fears. We understand them and can answer a lot of your questions based on our experiences (should you indeed have an AVM)...or be your sounding board when you just need to vent.

When is your CT scan scheduled for?

You came to the right place but i would try and be positive until you get your results back....keep us posted & God bless