!! SORRY THIS IS LONG BUT I REALLY NEED ADVICE !!
I’ve had trouble eating ever since my AVM bleed in 2010. I was in the hospital for about a week or two and only ate a grape. I lost about 20 lbs or so. After I had my surgery a few months later, nothing changed and I didn’t eat as much. Since then, I haven’t been able to eat properly. Although I didn’t eat a lot before the bleed, it’s gotten worse since then.
It’s not that I don’t want to eat but it just hard to physically keep it down and swallow it and even though I’m hungry, it still don’t. I’ve talked to someone about this but it didn’t really help and I couldn’t really give an answer behind why I feel this way. I first stopped eating snacks (I didn’t want to be unhealthy) and then I just lost the appeal of food from there. I’m recently back from college for winter break and I already lost 6 lbs for the first 3 days I’ve been here. I’ve tried to talk to my parents about it for about 2-3 years now and they haven’t really paid it any mind especially when I suggested I see a nutritionist. I’ve just given up trying to get their help at this point.
Around last year and the year before that, I was obsessively weighing myself (about 4-5x a day) and couldn’t bear the feeling of being 99 lbs or over. I didn’t really know why when my HS counselor asked me but we never addressed it again. They also didn’t address this when I was hospitalized for my major depression and anxiety although my counselor had told them this. I thought that if they weren’t addressing it, then I could just continue with no one noticing. I was hospitalized 3 times (almost 4) within 2 years and I remember having trouble with eating during that time too. Since then, I haven’t really cared about what my weight up until I finished my first semester at college (which a change in environment can effect this I’m guessing).
I’ve been dealing with the depression and anxiety since 2012 and I think this might contribute to my issue in some way. The only reason I still eat is so I don’t throw up or get sick from not eating on my anti-seizure and anti-depressant medication. I also read somewhere that having extreme anxiety and stress can shut down the digestive system? I’m 18 years old and weigh about 96 lbs when less than a month ago I was about 105 (but most people wave it off though because I’m 4’11 which makes sense). I’m wondering if not emotionally + professionally dealing with my AVM as a child has caused me to have an underline eating disorder of some kind. Has anyone else dealt with this before or have any suggestions on what I should do?
EDIT: I really want to get help but I go to college all the way in Georgia (I live in Illinois) and I go back on January 2nd. I can’t afford missing school and possibly getting kicked out. My school has an extremely strict, no exceptions policy (not even if in the hospital) which means I can’t miss more than 4 days or I fail my class.