Tired of being alone!

Hi, my name is Brian. I am a fit, athletic, speaker, writer, and an AVM survivor. Question? How can a survivor meet someone special as in a long term relationship? How do you reveal the injury to a person that you are seeing without them turning the other way? I have a strong but beaten heart. I was just wondering and thinking aloud if anybody on this site has the same problem? Meeting people, dating people, etc. I am just hurt and scared. Thanks for reading and or responding.

Brian

Brian, I’m sorry but, I had to laugh at this. “I’ve been there and done it”. I can only tell you from my own experiences. I gave up on the whole idea any more. Just kidding… The way I handled it was, I waited till the relationship started to get serious. Then I would tell them about my condition. Now, I didn’t go into to much detail unless they asked (which they did ask some questions). Don’t dwell on the subject. To much information can be over whelming for anyone. When you meet the right one…It will all work out any way. Good luck

Hi Brain,

My situation is a bit different since I pretty much have recovered since my AVM was removed from my neck. But I did mention it to a person that I was romantically interested in recently. He was concerned as opposed to being turned away. That also has been the reaction that I've received from anyone to whom I've discussed it with.

Best of luck to both of us in finding someone to share our lives with.

Take care,

Debbie

Finding someone is hard enough on it’s own so you add this into the mix and it can make it just that much harder. I can see from your profile you do not let this define yourself and that is a great thing! This AVM isn’t who you are, but it most certainly added to who you are. I don’t think it matters when you tell your romantic interest about your AVM and all the interesting things that came along with it. If they are going to walk away because of it they will walk away at anytime serious or not. Now I am not saying tell them on the first date unless it comes up, but I wouldn’t wait that long either. Now where to meet people I couldn’t tell you. I go out with friends and such, but that has gotten old just as I have. Wish I could be of more help and believe me you are not alone in the search for love. It is hard to find with or without an AVM.

I am also feeling this way, as if it wasn’t hard enough to find someone when I felt 100%…

Hey Brian,..

I thought about your blog post and my anticipated reply for a few days, then, I decided to respond/reply.

I am physically fit, in good shape, (not too bad for a 57 year old man), athletic, with a positive attitude/positive outlook. I am a good conversationalist, and an AVM Survivor too.

Am I tired of being alone ?.....Yes

How may one find another for a long term friendship and eventual relationship ?.....I don't know.

How, or when to reveal one's AVM medical condition ?.....good question.

Do I also have difficulities in meeting/dating ladies ?.....Yep

According to my grief counselor, ( I lost My Lady on 8-08-09) I was ready. So I joined e-Harmony, paid for a years membership in advance, as I thought it was a good choice for me, due to the 22 some odd dimensions/levels of compatability, multiple areas of mutual interests, personal profile, etc,..etc. And e-Harmony sets up a prospective "match" for you. Well,..to make a long story short,...it didn't work for me. As I came to realize that I still had My Nellie on my heart and mind. I am not over her yet, nor,...do I now think I will ever be, knowing what she did for me, the life we shared together,(albeit a very short one) and the love she had for me.

Well,..ok,...I still love her and miss her dearly.

Now,...back on topic.

Brian,...I have thought about your questions when I was meeting ladies for the "first meet", and trying to be as positive as I could. Not expecting anything, but enjoying conversation and the opportunity to meet others. Now,...Do I attempt to be totally honest and play all my cards on the table, or should I try to keep a lil' bit of mystery/intrigue and leave room for further communications ?, Alas,...many questions and not enough answers. Finding a love or a significant other is a very time consuming endeavour, and due to my profession and work schedule, it is very hard on me to find the time necessary to devote to another. Especially when it comes to dating and establishing a relationship.

Would I suggest an on-line dating or "match" service to another ?,...well,...again,..it didn't work for me, but that is not to say it wouldn't work for another with a good state/frame of mind.

I am a survivor and could life out my life without another, but,....It would be so much nicer to have a love in my life.

I really don't have any good solid concrete answers for you, but know I am in the same boat, and hopefully, I will, with time, find another, to share my love and life with.

Good luck Brian, and know that there are many others like us out there.

William, You neve cease to amaze me. You have such a good way of putting things into words.

In the past "many" years, I've been in and out of more relationships than I can even remember. I have been in a few good ones though. And that was even after I informed them of my avm. Some woman I dated could handle knowing about it, and some couldn't.

For all men and woman who find themselves in this situation, I strongly believe: When you meet the "right one" - It really doesn't matter if you have an illness or not, an avm or not. Love really does have a way of overcoming many things.

HI BRIAN, I DO FIND IT HARD AS WELL CAUSE ANYONE I TALK TO I TELL THEM AND BECAUSE IT’S ONLY BEEN THREE MONTHS I WILL JUST WAIT A WHILE LONGER BEFORE I TRY AND GO OUT. I AGREE WITH WILLIAM ABOUT THE E-HARMONY THEY SEND YOU PEOPLE THAT YOU REALLY DONT LIKE YOU HAVE TO PUT YOUR AGE IN AND FOR ME I REALLY DONT LIKE MEN MY AGE LOL, I HAVE FOUND OUT WHO ARE REALLY FRIENDS AND WHO ARE NOT WHEN I TELL THEM OR SHOW THEM MY SCARE YOU CAN SEE IF SO WELL RIGHT NOW I HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO GO BACK TO MY OLD HAIRSTYLE THAT YOU SEE IN MY PIC’S YET SO MY SCARE STILL SHOWS WELL. I WILL JUST HAVE TO WAIT AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS WITH THE DATIN SCENE. GOOD LUCK SOMEONE WILL COME ALONE THAT LOVES YOU FOR YOU I BELIEVE THAT AND WILL STAND ON THAT.