So I am about 2 weeks away form my embolization and craniotomy, (back to back) and I seem to be on the ol’ emotional roller coaster.
When I had my first surgery ( a breast reduction at 18) I was told about this thing that happens, and I am surprised, and not surprised at the same time that I am on it yet again with this.
I seem to keep drifting back to my past. ( I have PTSD anyway)
Perhaps it is because once this thing is gone, it will change everything. One way or another it will. Good bad or indifferent. And it just feels like I am running out of time. I am feeling regrets for things I did, and apologies I didn't make. there is only a 5% risk of anything going wrong and 2% chance of any neurological deficits ( my AVM is unruptuered so that makes the cahnce of thigns going badly much less), so why do I feel like I need to make my will and say my last goodbyes?
Lyssa, I can imagine how you feel. I didn’t have to worry about all of that as I had a major bleed and the subsequent surgeries were performed without my knowledge. I suppose what you’re feeling would be natural under the circumstances. After all, it’s not every day that you get your skull opened and your brain cut in to. If it will give you some peace, go ahead and make a will. They are easy to do, you can find some websites that can help you. Tell everyone you love that you love them, but not as a goodbye, just as an affirmation. You may find it makes everything else easier. Good luck to you on your upcoming surgeries. Be sure to let us know how you are doing!
It does not matter how old you are…a will is a very good idea. Trish is right …tell your friends and family that you love them. I think doing so will alleviate some of your concerns. A wonderful Aunt told me before my brain surgery that courage is not the absence of fear but being afraid and doing what must be done just the same anyway. Please keep us informed as to your progress!
Maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned the will. I don’t want to make on at all. It would send me into a depression unlike any other, an I have a LOT of mental illness as is, I just need to keep convincing myself that everything will be fine ya know? not that I don;t appreciate the sentiment…but I can’t make a will, I just can’t.
Good luck with your embo and surgery! Everything will be fine
I always thought that I would spend a lot of time together with my children or “tidying up after me” or whatever, if I ever came into a situation as I did two weeks prior my embo.
But what did I do?
Long walks in the woods, enjoying the early summer, listening to the birds singing while exploring new paths in the woods, etc.
I never wrote a will or tidying up anything, just did not want make space for that sort of thoughts in a time where I needed all the positive strength necessary to face whatever the outcome would be.
Sending you lots of positive thoughts and energy Lyssa
Love Hanne xxx
My best advice to you is to start focusing on the positive. No negativity. There is a group on FB…Positively Positive. They have wonderful words of encouragement. Focus on your blessings…no bleed yet…you are young…you are not alone because of this group…the doctors found the AVM in time to help you. Still if you feel that you are entering a depression…go talk to your doctor about it. I will be praying for you and please do not worry so much.
Dear Lyssa…first of all I just want to say that everything u r feeling are your feelings , there is no right or wrong, there is no normal or abnormal…what we go through is our own experience at that is why it is sooo important to share…I agree with everything everyone has commented on here…don’t judge yourself my dear…just go with what feels right for U! For whatever reason, (it is not for us to waste our precious energy to try to figure out) we have been dealt these cards, accepting what we r dealing with is a big step forward…just remember accepting is not giving up…continue to fight the good fight!! I wish u all the peace & happiness & a very successful surgery & recovery! I had a hemorrage Aug 5,2009 & had my crainiotomy April 13, 2010…I have another AVM in my left temporal lobe which is presently being observed…everyday I am grateful for whatever that day may bring my way…embrace & experience every moment good or bad what is our alternative?
Lyssa,
Positive thinking is what everyone tells me including the doctors and others that have been through what you are. I know it’s easy to think of the what if’s I do so myself but that is just natural. Through my research when i was considering surgery, plenty of rest and sleep will help you with a speedy recovery. Lots of good luck and NO good bye’s.
Thank you all. I wrote this because I AM always thinking positive, and I am frustrated that my mind keeps wandering. I know I have some other mental and emotional disorders that are playing a part but I am just plan frustrated. I don;t want to say goodbyes or write a will or anything of the sort. That is the point, I don’t know if it is normal to feel this way, or if it is just my emotional problems I guess. Maybe I didn’t say it right in the original post
HI LYSSA, I WAS READIN YOUR POST ABOUT A WILL, WELL I WILL SHARE WITH U WHAT I DID DO. I AM THANKIN GOD RIGHT NOW FOR MY HEALIN AND AT THE SAME TIME I DID GET EVERYTHING IN ORDER JUST IN CASE GOD’S PLAN IS TO BRING HIS ANGEL HOME. I DIDNT SAY ANY GOODBYE’S BUT MADE PLANS FOR WHAT I WOULD LIKE TO DO WHEN I GET WELL. I THINK MY FAMILY IS MORE SCARED THAN I AM, I ENJOYED SOMETIME WITH EACH ONE OF MY GRANDS, WENT TO A BASKETBALL GAME WITH MY SON AND DAUG-IN-LAW. BUT EVERYTHING IS IN PLACE FOR I HOW I WANT THINGS TO GO. I GO IN ON THURS 14TH EMBO AND 15 SURGERY AGAIN. I AM FEELIN GOOD ABOUT BEIN AVM FREE AND STAYIN PRAYFUL THAT MY RECOVERY DOESNT TAKE LONG. SO FEELIN THAT WAY IS NORMAL AND IT’S NOTHIN WRONG WITH IT EVEN BETTER TO SAY SO AND LET US HELP U FEEL BETTER. JUST MAKE SURE U LIKE YOUR NEW DOC. OR FIND ANOTHER ONE THAT U DO LIKE GOD BLESS
