Hi all, sorry time for another whinge,
I am getting so scared at the moment and because of that I am being so moody and snapping at my son all the time, I have no patience with him and then I get upset because it is not his fault that I have this AVM or that I have to have an operation to get rid of it, or that I have to shave. He also is very snappy one min then telling me how much he loves me the next, it upsets me to see him scared and worried about me. It really is just a vicious circle at the moment.
I am having my shave party Saturday and although I know that my hair will grow back, I just don't like to be the centre of attention, people stare at bald women because it is unusual and I am going to hate that. I will be wearing a beanie most of the time but you will still be able to see it.
It seems so strange that I am worried about going bald when I am going to go though brain surgery, worrying about something so little and trivial as hair. I am really disappointed that my AVM bracelets have not arrived in time for the party. I wanted to give everyone one.
I am very lucky, I have such a loving and supportive family, they do help me but sometimes I just think they do not understand how I feel, how could they when they have not been in my position. Although close, two of my nephews have had operations for their Chiari, But they do try. Maybe I just have too much time on my hands to think, I live with my brother who is a truck driver so he is not here most of the week. My son and I spend a lot of time alone, which I normally love. At the moment I just want adult company. I really just want my Mum, lol sounds a bit lame but it is true.
My mother lives in NZ but will be here when I come home after my operation.
The last few weeks I have felt pretty good and quite positive about the whole thing but for some reason the closer it gets the worse I am feeling, which is normal I suppose.
I have been trying to write a will just in case anything happens, I need to make sure everything will be ok for my son, I love him so much that sometimes it hurts, but every time I go to write it I get upset and just stop. I come on here and try to help someone else so I don't have to feel what I am feeling but rather feel for them.
Any way that's enough of the whinging for now, Thanks for listening (reading)
Stay strong everyone and take care
DM