So, is it just me? I mean I know the answer, but still, it makes you wonder…
Last week, I met with my counselor and we talked openly, honestly and deeply about where I’m at and what things are looking like. I have a social security hearing on August 28, so I’m kind of nervous about that - but at the same time more than ready to move from this “on hold” to at least seeing some of what the future might hold.
So there’s that - and then there’s that question - how do I feel about having the government officially saying, “You’re disabled?” I mean I know I am, I know that I couldn’t do what I did. It wouldn’t work. But the label still bothers me…
And then there’s the ever changing list of priorities. Out of the the multitude of “issues” I’ve got going on, it always seems like certain things “rise to the top” in terms of priorities. In my discussions with my doctors and my counselor, let’s just say that the emotional side of dealing with it all - dealing with the grief of what I’ve lost, dealing with the changes going forward, dealing with spending my life in pain and all of that is currently the most pressing issue (don’t worry - this is not a serious cry for help I’m okay and I promise you I will stand up and scream and post all over here in bold letters if I felt that I was leaning that way. )
So, my counselor and I decided I needed to get back to my psychiatrist because there’s a real strong likelihood that my depression and anxiety over all of this . So, I call my psychiatrist to try to move up our next appointment - and he took another job inside the institutions - he’s going to be training their resident physicians. And the first where they could get me in with the new doc is July 11.
Three months. Because my doctor changed jobs. On the one hand, I’ve got time - I don’t have much beyond time, but I also have a hearing before the judge and the more medical people I can get who can tell me how screwed up I am, the better for that. So is it just me that gets stuck in these type of “waiting periods?”
How do you deal with the waiting? How do you deal with the feeling of, “oh crap, I know I can’t work but what if they don’t approve my benefits?” How do you deal with not being able to get a specialist when the neuro psych Doc’s are booked until January and the the “regular psych” doctors are booked out at least 3 months. How do II work around that?
How do you work on learning to live with it but also not sugar coating it so the docs report it correctly?
Because, really, I can wrap it up with a really pretty bow and glitzy wrapping paper, but when you open it up it’s still a pile of cow manure.