So annoyed

Just because u never had a bleed or bc i look so good doesn't mean im 100% ok. I just had a crani 4.5 weeks ago (8hrs long) not including two 4 hr embos prior to my surgery.
my body went through alot...i emotionally still am trying to deal. I just hate when ppl just look at u and think ohhh shes fine no biggie or look at me like im crazy for feeling emotional. it suxs big time and i know im not crazy for feeling that way. I live alone, Ive lost some friends and trying to mend a broken heart......sometimes i just want to sleep all day

I feel you Nay. I know exactly where you're coming from. I too have lost friends simple because THEY did not know to deal with or felt awkward about me talking about my AVM and stroke, But I met even stronger and deeper friends through this experience and realized that the friends I'd lost were just superficial. As for sleeping all day; Do it! You just had brain surgery four and a half weeks ago. Like you said, you may look fine, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you feel one hundred percent. There's this great long explaination that I found on here about what it's like to have brain surgery and its aftermath. I will PM it to you ok?
Hang in there.

kind regards,
Ryan

I'm going to have to post that write up in multiple parts because it exceeds the maximum amount of characters allowed.I hope this helps.
Friends,
I wanted to post this from brainline.org about what each of us need during our journey of healing. Share this with you love one, caregivers. It was so well written and explained how we all feel during our discovery, surgery, recovery periods in our lives..Blessing to all. I hope this article gives full insight into what each of us are going through.
Lost & Found: What Brain Injury Survivors Want You to Know Barbara J. Webster, Lash & Associates I need a lot more rest than I used to. I’m not being lazy. I get physical fatigue as well as a “brain fatigue.” It is very difficult and tiring for my brain to think, process, and organize. Fatigue makes it even harder to think. My stamina fluctuates, even though I may look good or “all better” on the outside. Cognition is a fragile function for a brain injury survivor. Some days are better than others. Pushing too hard usually leads to setbacks, sometimes to illness.
Brain injury rehabilitation takes a very long time; it is usually measured in years. It continues long after formal rehabilitation has ended. Please resist expecting me to be who I was, even though I look better.
I am not being difficult if I resist social situations. Crowds, confusion, and loud sounds quickly overload my brain, it doesn’t filter sounds as well as it used to. Limiting my exposure is a coping strategy, not a behavioral problem. If there is more than one person talking, I may seem uninterested in the conversation. That is because I have trouble following all the different “lines” of discussion. It is exhausting to keep trying to piece it all together. I’m not dumb or rude; my brain is getting overloaded! If we are talking and I tell you that I need to stop, I need to stop NOW! And it is not because I’m avoiding the subject, it’s just that I need time to process our discussion and “take a break” from all the thinking. Later I will be able to rejoin the conversation and really be present for the subject and for you. Try to notice the circumstances if a behavior problem arises. “Behavior problems” are often an indication of my inability to cope with a specific situation and not a mental health issue. I may be frustrated, in pain, overtired or there may be too much confusion or noise for my brain to filter. Patience is the best gift you can give me. It allows me to work deliberately and at my own pace, allowing me to rebuild pathways in my brain. Rushing and multi-tasking inhibit cognition.
Please listen to me with patience. Try not to interrupt. Allow me to find my words and follow my thoughts. It will help me rebuild my language skills. Please have patience with my memory. Know that not remembering does not mean that I don’t care. Please don’t be condescending or talk to me like I am a child. I’m not stupid, my brain is injured and it doesn’t work as well as it used to. Try to think of me as if my brain were in a cast. If I seem “rigid,” needing to do tasks the same way all the time; it is because I am retraining my brain. It’s like learning main roads before you can learn the shortcuts. Repeating tasks in the same sequence is a rehabilitation strategy. If I seem “stuck,” my brain may be stuck in the processing of information. Coaching me, suggesting other options or asking what you can do to help may help me figure it out. Taking over and doing it for me will not be constructive and it will make me feel inadequate. (It may also be an indication that I need to take a break.)

part2 You may not be able to help me do something if helping requires me to frequently interrupt what I am doing to give you directives. I work best on my own, one step at a time and at my own pace. If I repeat actions, like checking to see if the doors are locked or the stove is turned off, it may seem like I have OCD — obsessive-compulsive disorder — but I may not. It may be that I am having trouble registering what I am doing in my brain. Repetitions enhance memory. (It can also be a cue that I need to stop and rest.) If I seem sensitive, it could be emotional lability as a result of the injury or it may be a reflection of the extraordinary effort it takes to do things now. Tasks that used to feel “automatic” and take minimal effort, now take much longer, require the implementation of numerous strategies and are huge accomplishments for me. We need cheerleaders now, as we start over, just like children do when they are growing up. Please help me and encourage all efforts. Please don’t be negative or critical. I am doing the best I can. Don’t confuse Hope for Denial. We are learning more and more about the amazing brain and there are remarkable stories about healing in the news every day. No one can know for certain what our potential is. We need Hope to be able to employ the many, many coping mechanisms, accommodations and strategies needed to navigate our new lives. Everything single thing in our lives is extraordinarily difficult for us now. It would be easy to give up without Hope.You may not be able to help me do something if helping requires me to frequently interrupt what I am doing to give you directives. I work best on my own, one step at a time and at my own pace. If I repeat actions, like checking to see if the doors are locked or the stove is turned off, it may seem like I have OCD — obsessive-compulsive disorder — but I may not. It may be that I am having trouble registering what I am doing in my brain. Repetitions enhance memory. (It can also be a cue that I need to stop and rest.) If I seem sensitive, it could be emotional lability as a result of the injury or it may be a reflection of the extraordinary effort it takes to do things now. Tasks that used to feel “automatic” and take minimal effort, now take much longer, require the implementation of numerous strategies and are huge accomplishments for me. We need cheerleaders now, as we start over, just like children do when they are growing up. Please help me and encourage all efforts. Please don’t be negative or critical. I am doing the best I can. Don’t confuse Hope for Denial. We are learning more and more about the amazing brain and there are remarkable stories about healing in the news every day. No one can know for certain what our potential is. We need Hope to be able to employ the many, many coping mechanisms, accommodations and strategies needed to navigate our new lives. Everything single thing in our lives is extraordinarily difficult for us now. It would be easy to give up without Hope.

I didn't pm it to you because it wouldn't allow me to unless we were friend. Anyway, I hope this having this for your family and friends to read makes them realize the severity of your situation and that it isn't only you.

Cheers,

Ryan.

hi nay im sorry for what your going through and hope you feel better soon i think its hard for people who dont have an avm its like if you cant see it theres nothing i found that when i told people if they dont understand it they dont get it but stay strong and positive for urself best wishes

I hear you Nay! I did have a bleed but I still get that reaction from people. I look fine so I must be fine, right? If you've lost friends then they weren't real friends anyway and you're better off without them. Feel they way you feel. Sleep all day if you want to. You've been through a lot, like you said. You deserve it.

I am sorry you lost so called friends but fair weather friends are not really friends and not worth a moment’s worry. Just one woman’s opinion!