Random Thought's

Well it’s November 2nd.In July I was ready to take on the world my doc said no.Disappointment Isn’t a strong enough word to describe how I felt. Ok I’ll wait till August I felt even better but no.I was getting sick pay so money was not a problem but i wanted to work,to be a productive member of society.So I waited.Then September 14 my worst fear a possible seizure,visit to the ER ct scan no problems seen so they change my med’s.I To this day think i just fell asleep.Finally September 22 I begged and pleaded my case And the doctor let me go back as a Supervisor only no driving.Well I found out pretty fast I was not anywhere near ready to take on the world.In my life before AVM i was a heavy equipment mechanic.I was strong,quick and agile. After AVM I don’t know.No more climbing all over Big earthmoving equipment.No more multitasking No more looking at a electrical or hydraulic schematic’s and seeing the problem in my mind.It’s hard to even read a map.My balance is bad my eyesight is worse it’s been 5 weeks and no improvement.I know I expect to much after all it’s only been 5 month’s.I have never been so tired and sore in my life. I will accept my new role in life but I do not do not do so easily.But I am ALIVE,and in the end that’s what matters.
To be continued.
Nov 5th Swung a 8 pound sledge hammer today Did ok.I have noticed that when i exert myself my eyesight gets a little funky. Blood pressure stays ok but my right eye gets blurry Ill be staying away from the sledge hammer for a wile longer
Nov10th So tired i have never been so tired in my life.Im too tired to sleep.One doc gave me pills for sleep.Another doc says they can counteract my seizure pills.ARGGGGG .Welding tomorrow.Geuss ill test the anti seizure med’s.

I’ve been feeling this way too, lately. I just need to DO SOMETHING!! FEEL PRODUCTIVE!! I feel like I’ve been on vacation for the last 2 months (albeit a pretty crappy vacation) and just want to get back to normal. But what is normal?? I have no idea any more and have no idea WHEN that will be, if I’m this restless at 2 months, what will I feel like at 5 months??

I hear it takes awhile to recover and we just have to be patient and get lots of rest, but that is easier said than done!!

I’ve learned so much about patience after all this, yet I’m pretty hard on myself in that department…

I understand completely what you are both expressing! I worked from the time I was was 15 years old until the day of my bleed. I tried to go back to work about 2 months after I was released from the hospital. I quickly discovered that I couldn’t do it any more. It’s now been 2 years since I’ve not worked. I understand not feeling productive. I can’t even keep a decently clean and tidy house any more. All I can say is that I am trying to do some volunteer work with brain injured patients, as I now have unique experience in that area! We are not worthless to our families, remember that!

Michael…It’s been 3 years since my AVM brain bleed and my surgery. From the start, my neurosurgen told me that I was not going to be able to go back to my job. I went through great depression that first year because I also worked for many, many years and didn’t understand life without working. However, my daughter pushed me into doing other things, like hiking with my dog, etc. until I desided that I had just retired and worked on helping other people. My next adventure will be when my daughter has her baby and I plan on helping her. We are ALIVE! Hang in there because life goes on and we can make it better whether we are working or living our lives a different way!

Hi Michael,

Hope things get better and that you are indeed alive and part of this group.

Take care,


Hi again,

Random question. Are you in Winslow, AZ in the picture? I had an Internet relationship with someone who worked for BNSF, and Winslow was the end of his route.

Take care,


Yep Thats Winslow,AZ In 2009 myself and a friend drove a 1951 chevy hotrod pickup that i had built to California and back via route 66.We stoped everywhere we could for pictures.My truck was stolen in Austin TX on another trip in april 2010 so this year has been ruff.

Sorry about the truck. I’m always in awe of classic vehicles.

Take care,


Went to see my Neurologist today.He said the problems im having are part of a normal recovery for what happened to me and that im doing well.
ThankYou Debbie,Trish,Nicole and Louisa.

Some people can’t figure out why i wanted to go back to work when i was getting paid to stay home.I guess if they don’t know why ill never explain it to them

Hi Mike,

I think I can understand wanting to go back to work. For one, it’s a part of getting one’s life back to normal. Secondly, it helps get one’s mind off one’s problems. Glad you were able to swing the sledge hammer today but that you are being patient with your recovery at the same time.

All the best,