I used to see a psychologist for various other reasons but does anyone see a rehabilitation psychologist for issues revolving around their AVM?
Before this all happened, I was fearful of nothing and death was even a fascinating subject for me (odd as they may be to some). When I was diagnosed, I was in a ‘denial’ for about a year and I thought I was invincible, that nothing would happen to me. I acted as if I didn’t have an AVM and that was a good thing. I miss that.
Over these last few months, I have caught the disease this is fear. I mean, it has been there since the discovery of the ‘time bomb’ but it was just something that sat at the back of my brain and I didn’t entertain those thoughts.
But now it has slowly grown into a monster and I’ve become scared to do anything. All day I am thinking whether where I am standing now, is going to be the place they’ll find my body. I’m a thinker, so automatically my brain goes into overdrive and I image the whole scenario. Today (because of recent paralysis), I’m even too scared to take a shower by myself because I’m afraid I’ll get a seizure and die in there. I have to wait until my boyfriend comes home, so he can be there in case something happens. So dramatic, I know. Everything I do now, I think it’s going to make me have a hemorrhage or have a seizure and crack my head open. And I can’t believe this mind of mine, once strong willed and utterly fearless, has turned into this emotionally paralyzed thing.
So ugh, I’m sorry about the spilling of thoughts but does anyone else feel like this and/or has a psychologist helped them deal with this or is this something only I can conquer?
Thanks in advance. Hope you’re all well and I hope I haven’t offended anyone.
And I added something positive - a play dough rainbow :)
I forgot where I was, I suppose Just a lot of those things I said, the general person wouldn’t ‘like’ hearing.
I’ve been trying to find a new Psychologist - I’ve been to several GP’s and on 5 different occasions I’ve asked if they could point me in the right direction to a good Psychologist and they have just upped my anti-depressants. Normally I wouldn’t accept that but I just didn’t know what to do and convinced myself I didn’t need help.
Again, I’m on the search for someone but it’s so hard knowing who is good and who isn’t just by internet research.
That’s a good idea about about the Neurologist - that will be the next step. Thanks Liam
Hi Cathrine
Think i’m still in the denial stage as i only mention it on this site I don’t talk to family or friends about it and they don’t ask
Anttime i have tried to start speaking about it, i have to stop as i know i’ll end up blubbering like a big baby so its on the back burner
As for offensive if we can’t say wot we feel here where can we, take care
Hi Catherine,
You have not offended anyone. This AVM stuff is scary! I was the same way you described…and now have just accepted my way of life. If it happens I don’t want to know about it! i to am looking 4 a doc. (psychologist ) who specializes in brain injury patients. They are hard to find so I have started with the doc. who did my surgery and I’m still researching! I sure don’t want to sit and talk about the past…I want to learn to retrain my mind in a possitive way! We can all die at anytime…car accident, a fall, drive by , shooting, robbery…etc. >…I know about fear…I fought through agoraphobia before surgery…not fun! I couldn’t leave the house for 5 years! So my friend, let go, let be, have faith, and if it does happen, have affairs in order. Surrender…that is all we can do . Only you can over come the fear. Doc. will just use you as an experiment for drugs that will only put you in a dependent state. I know…I am here…and trying very hard to conquer this myself. U said that you were strong before this…You still are…dig deep and you will find it. Don’t fear…just do it! All will be as it should! If it is your time then it is. Surrender dear friend…the fear will kill you! Thoughts are things! Give them up…
Best of luck…I’m in the fight with you!
Sending you Angel light And Love…d
No offense to take, at all.
I still get scared when I get a headache, feel dizzy or super-fatigued. I immediately thing, “Is this it, again?”.
I think its fine to talk to a psychologist if that makes you comfortable. Not sure if they have it in Australia, but I know that in my area there is a society/association for people who have had different types of brain injuries They also have referrals for therapists who specialize in these types of experiences. they may be able to help.
Also- if you’re comfortable, take your boyfriend. The more support the better.
Plus- we’re always here at some point to listen.
Catherine, I think it’s a good thing to seek help from Psychologists and/or Psychiatrists.
Before I even found out I have an AVM I was already taking part in a group therapy at the local hospial. There’s a psychological unit called P.A.A.Z. (Psychological Unit General Hospital) here in Amersfoort, and my revalidation doctor sent me there to psychotherapy because of my depression and because he couldn’t pinpoint what makes me walk so wobbly.
At first I was terrified about what the shrinks and people would find out about me, but after having been through months and months of group and individual therapy I have to say: GLAD I DID IT!
I learned so much about myself, and learned to deal with this world a little better than I ever could have done by myself.
Opening up to the professionals and the group has helped me lots, and I would seriously recommend psychotherapy to anyone who has depression issues.
The bonus at the end of my time in therapy was that they actually found out that there is much more between my ears than anyone ever thought.
My new knowledge enables me to do something about it, other than just swallowing my Angst and driving myself nuts about what could or could not happen to me.
I hope you will be able to face your fears and work on them. I haven’t even started my treatment yet but I already know that it will make me stronger in the end.
If you can find a place that offers (group) therapy for depression, anxiety or fear, then I’d say: Go For It! There’s nothing to lose, only a lot to gain.
Good luck, and keep us posted on your progress please!
Hi, Catherine. I have to admit, there were a few times that I’ve had that same fear of dying in the shower. I don’t want my kids to find me naked and be even more traumetized than they already will be by my death! lol When I’m having that kind of day, I just don’t take a shower until my hubby’s home. Thankfully, these thoughts don’t occur too often!
Hi Catherine, You began this discussion awhile ago but I just had to respond. Let me first tell you that I’ve had 2 bleeds, one was 26 years ago and the other 16 years ago. I’m only 37 years old by the way. In the last 16 years I’ve had bouts of anxiousness, thinking I may be having another bleed. I have even been to the ER 4 or 5 times! I laugh about it because I’ve come to accept that I do have this fear BUT I’ve done alot to “treat” these feelings. Mostly I have read alot of books and all of them seem to have a common approach to dealing with life’s difficulties. The one book that I would definitely recommend is called “A New Eart”, by Eckard Tolle. I’m a “thinker” too and i came to realize that I let my thoughts snowball, usually they were my fears. The mind never stops generating thoughts even when your NOT aware of it, and thats what would cause problems for me. My mind habitually drifted to my fears and then I’d feel anxious. So now if I’m feeling bad I try to notice what my thoughts were and I change them to more positive thoughts, like my sweet daughter. Read the book more than once.
Just a lot of those things I said, the general person wouldn’t ‘like’ hearing.