It’s good to hear from you and I’m sorry you’re struggling so much with your health. I agree that this place is often encouraging and often difficult, so I completely understand that it isn’t always easy to be here and talk about how you are. However, talking about these things is often important.
I’m not a gamma knife patient, so I can’t help you with that aspect of your plea. The reason I’m writing is more around the mental health aspects. I think you should recognise that you’ve gone through a lot – still going through a lot. So, it’s completely understandable that you’re finding it difficult to engage with life fully. You’ve got a big challenge and it has knocked you off course quite considerably.
Have you got any mental health support? I think it may be really helpful for you to have some support centred upon that side of things, not just the neurosurgeon and the neurologist.
Many people have challenges in life and the best way I think we could help you is to recognise your challenge and help you “deal” with it in a positive way. It’s a natural thing to withdraw but you deserve to get as much out of life as everyone else, so if you can get some mental health support to help you get out better, I think it’s the right thing to try out. It is probably the most difficult aspect of any injury, that it sets us back in terms of confidence.
The only strength for this kind of thing comes from within. What we need to do is get you the right help to find that strength and that will get you into a better place. I hope.
So, a story. Many years ago, I had saved up enough money and got myself my first car. About 11 months after I got the car, I drove through a traffic light junction and the lights changed as I went through. I hit another car that crossed in front of me BAM! straight in the side: no braking: I didn’t see him at all. That made me question whether I had judged the lights correctly – that the accident had been my fault or not. However, on the far side of the junction, the other lane of traffic was still waiting at the lights – both the traffic from the right and that from the left were waiting on the same signal – and one of the drivers on the far side of the junction testified that the lights where still red when the accident happened.
So I got a new car and I didn’t lose out on my insurance but by gosh every junction I went through where the lights changed as I got to the line took me for a bit of a shock. I more often stomped on the brakes to avoid going into the junction than I would before.
Now, if I were not careful, that situation of increased worry each time I went into a junction could have stopped me driving. I could easily have doubted myself each time and it could have been a pressure too far. Fortunately, I reasoned with myself and I just carried on. It took a while before the increased concern faded away but it did fade away, I think because I just had a go at carrying on.
So, I think you need to do your best to carry on. Recognise that you find it difficult but life is soooo worth living that it’s better not to withdraw. However, yours is a far more difficult situation to deal with, so get some help with that.
You’re worth it.
Hope something here helps,