One year since my bleed, more or less

I don't know exactly when it happened because I slept through May 1, 2012. All day.
May 2, I was able to move around a bit. May 3 a bit more but by May 4th I was feeling in the deepness of it and told my wife to dial 911 and it was into the ambulance I went.
I was in and out of consciousness and recall someone telling me there was evidence of a bleed on the CAT scan but I said there's been calcification on prior scans but this person said it was new and blah, blah, blah.
I remember my family and friends milling about the room. I remember seeing a few people as if I was looking through a porthole. In retrospect, I think it was the neuro team but it could have been members of the PGA for all I could recognize.
There were two things which I do remember. Chatting with my cat which my wife and I had to euthanize because of cancer. The other was the feeling of being of elevated, lifted as up onto an altar. I was never a religious man but a believer in a Supreme Being. I can't explain why but I'm positive of an afterlife or at least an existence beyond this life.
I came through this trial a changed man. A lot less anxiety. A lot more inner strength. An understanding of what priorities are truly important. A lot more love and respect for my wife.
It's been a year filled with changes and challenges but I can't complain because it's another year I was able to live, lived with opened eyes and a better outlook.
I can't tell how many more days I have but they will be lived with greater appreciation for how glorious living truly is!

It's amazing how a tragedy helps us to look at life in a better way. I learned too, not to sweat the small stuff. And to appreciate my friends and family more. Very little upsets now. Even when my 2 yr. old God-daughter spills milk all over my sofa (she did that today). It doesn't bother me. I explain to her that it was just an accident.... I clean it up, get her a new cup and all is good again. There are some things you just have to expect to happen and not be surprised when they do.. hee hee


Thank you for sharing this. My son (18) had an AVM that bled on march 16 2013. To this day it still makes me sick to my stomach to think about it. We never knew he had it. We are still waiting to see what the Drs are going to do about it. The waiting is frustrating, but, we also know we are very very lucky we still have him. I would like to hear more about your experience with this , if you are willing to share. Thank you.

Hi Jackie, I don't know how much more I can add to this entry because I honestly don't remember much of the event. When I woke up, it wasn't gradual, it was quick. I heard what I could tell was a garbage truck. It was like being wakened any other morning. I went from unconscious to conscious.
I stayed one additional day for observation and then I was released. I had an additional month at home during which time I watched television and napped. I couldn't drive. I couldn't go to the store. I could walk the dog.
My body needed recalibration from one system to the next and everything in between. Food didn't taste normal or good for a month. I lived on oranges and ice cream sandwiches for more than a month.
I was sleeping probably 16 hours or more a day. I couldn't handle exertion of more than walking a block.
I never had a headache although I had a very bad stiff neck.
Thanks for your interest. I will add more as I remember and will continue to blog as the mood strikes.
Best wishes for your son for a complete recovery. It may be difficult at times but when it becomes overwhelming or reach the end of your patience, just take a moment to step back and listen to a song, smoke a cigarette, read a magazine, something to switch focus to yourself.

I was perusing this website and this comment caught my attention. I understand being a changed person because I feel like I have been profoundly changed by this AVM injury. Actually I have a 2nd AVM that was discovered in Oct. 2012 and it will be radiated in about 1 month. I love and agree with your comments about a lot less anxiety, more inner strength and yes my priorities have been altered. Plus, I am so appreciative of my wonderful, strong husband that I can't express it well in words. Oh, twice I have "crossed over" and been with my parents who are deceased and I do not fear death since I feel they will be there to help me with the transition. Also, I appreciated your euthanized cat comment because we have 3 cats and they have really helped me in this recovery process. After all, they don't care how I do it but as long as their food needs are met ... they are content. Finally, my husband celebrated his 52nd birthday in February so a belated Happy Birthday to you and I hope you have many more.