Hi, Ron. I'm so sorry to hear you and your wife are going through this, it's not easy. The three options for treatment are gamma knife, which can only be used in some cases and does not work on larger AVMs, surgery, and embolization. Oftentimes surgery involves embolization to try to reduce the size of the AVM and reduce the risk of a rupture during surgery before actually doing surgery itself.
No two ways about it, contemplating brain surgery is scary and the surgery carries risks. Most times if the AVM is removed via craniotomy completely, the person is cured. However, there have been cases where it has regrown. Most of those cases are in children, but the occasional adult will have an AVM regrow even if it's completely removed. Which is exactly what happened to me.
If you opt for a craniotomy, be aware that the skull will not be as strong as it was previously because in adults, the skull will not knit back together the way it will with children, so contact sports are a no no for an adult who's had brain surgery
Embolization carries a risk of having to wait quite a while after the procedures are completed to know if they were successful or not, and there is an increased risk of bleeding with an embolization to treat an AVM.
Your best information will come from your neurosurgeon who has all the details about the AVM and can advise you on the risks associated with each treatment. Hang tough, make sure you have a good support system in place for yourself and for your wife (including professional counseling if it's available), and if you aren't sure you like what you're hearing, be sure to get a second opinion!