Hey everyone. So happy I found this site.
I have so many questions, and need to seek out the advice of others.
My very dear friend Val suffered a ruptured AVM in November 2011. She endured 18 hours of surgery, ICU for quite a while, into a rehab then into a nursing home and finally came home a few months ago.
There a few questions I would like answered if somebody out there can help. Her recovery seems very slow. She has lot use of her right arm, and her right leg is not 100%. Her foot turns in and requires a brace to keep it straight in order for her to able to walk. In which she had to use a cane. She will sometimes need the use of her wheelchair when walking has become to much for her. Her speech has also been impaired, and she's slowly (if you can say that) relearning how to speak. I know she has all the information in her head...she just can't verbalize what she wants to say. Her 'go to' phrase is "I Co-So". That is what she says when she tried to speak. Has anyone in the forum, or does anyone within this forum know somebody who has gone through such a long recovery and what was the outcome.
To add to this situation....she is married, however, prior to this happening to her, she had found out he was having an affair. She had gone to see a divorce lawyer, however, she never followed through. Now, he has 100% guardianship over her, and doesn't allow us or his sister (her primary care giver) in to try and help Val. Her sister did go to court to get some guardianship over her, but it's very limited. He has the 'final say' on anything. He is no pro-active in her recovery. He is absent from the house as he has moved in with his 'girlfriend' and leaves her 17 year and 15 year old boy to care for her. Her friends have really gone above and beyond to fill in when we can. I make sure I get her to kids hockey games, her sister takes her to therapy and all Dr. appointments. I'm helping the older one in the process of applying to colleges. We are staying on the boys to make sure they are keeping their grades up etc. We are all doing what the father/husband should be doing. I have talked to Val, and learned how to communicate with her, to an extent. I know she wants this divorce, however because she cannot verbalize or even write her wishes, she is 'stuck' with a deadbeat husband until she can speak for herself. He is unapproachable. His own family has turned their back on him because of this. However, in true narcissistic form, he believes it's everyone else fault and who are we to tell him what he's doing wrong, and how he should handle the boys and Val.
Please...anyone that can please help me.. I'd appreciate it. I feel like her husband is suppressing us and we cannot move forward with Val in her recovery. Furthermore, I believe that this is putting her into a depression. She does not do any therapy on her own. She isn't willing to pick up her tablet and work on speech on her own. To know Val, you would know that isn't her. She was an aerobics instructor prior to this happening. Very goal oriented and to see her like this is heartbreaking. The kids are suffering tremendously also.
I have never felt so helpless in my life.
I know this sounds unbelievable, and I wish it was, but it's not. It's her reality.336-june2012meandval.jpg (56.2 KB)