Some of us who have survived an AVM cerebral hemorrhage disaster have also experienced afterwards the problem of missing a word, or speaking the wrong word in
conversation. This was a big problem to me especially for the first several months
after I left my hospital. People often do not understand such speaking glitches
and do not seem to get it that a major cerebral bleed and major brain operation
can cause such problems.
Some people, I am sure, thought I was loony for saying something that sometimes did not make sense, or something that had a very different meaning that what I
intended. This is what I learned to do to lessen this sort of thing:
I would monitor my own conversation to make sure that I was speaking exactly
as I intended...and sometimes I would seem to have time to correct my choice
of words, or to afterward make a correction out loud to whoever I was speaking to. This helped a great deal, and this sort of thing happens to me now very seldom. It is no longer a major concern of mine, but it is a fact that many people are
quick to judge us if they think that we do not act always perfectly like
others do. They should try walking in our shoes for a month and see how that feels,
but I hope they do not have to. I would not wish that on anyone!!!!
My best to all my fellow survivors here on this fine website!
Hi John, you're very much correct on that. My rupture was almost eight years ago, and I seriously struggled with my speech, and I thought that listening to others and doing a lot of reading would help. I would overthink things because of my speech, instead of just allowing myself to slowly improve. I just wanted my brain back, I wanted to be 100% sooner than what could happen realistically.
I still struggle with my speech, and I get a lot condescension because of it. I get spoon-fed at work, and sometimes I want to speak up and say, "Hey! Just because I struggle with my speech (and understanding) does not mean I am incapable!" It's just something that I have to deal with.
Luckily I have my writing. I write poetry, and people can understand that. Although, I do working about having a place in the corporate world with my disability. I live independently, and I do need a job to do so. I do have a job, but I it's not something I want to spend the rest of my life doing, because I do the same thing every day. Okay, I'm done venting. Haha.
I'm glad that it's not longer a concern for you John, it just shows how strong you are. It's a comfort to know that we are not alone in our journey and our struggles. All the best to you, John!
I understand what you say, Leslye Wilson, and I also am, and always have been, more comfortable writing, than speaking. Also for decades...I had one of those
jobs where I could do the work, but did not feel fulfilled. In time that job
became enough for me, because I find other places to find fulfillment.
Wishing you the best.
I did not have a bleed but have an AVM on left lobe. Two Gamma Knives later still not 100% closed.
As far as my speech, I have always had a hard time getting some words out. I hear them in my head but sometimes just couldn’t get them out. Or the wrong work would come out. Luckily I have an awesome BF and great friends who just finish for me or are patient and wait for me to spit it out. At work it gets to be an issue sometimes. Not everyone knows I have the AVM or if they do they really don’t understand it at all. Searching for my words is one of my main symptoms so I feel blessed.
My father never had an AVM, but he was always a slow talker, perhaps like you and I are since our recoveries. My mom would often finish his sentences
for him, because she was his opposite a "fast talker". Which was the most
intelligent? Probably my "slow talking" dad. So to me anyway being a slow talker
does not mean that we are also a "slow thinker"!
Sounds like you are doing real well, and like me I expect that it could have been far worse.