Michael's eleventh angelversary letter

Michael today it is elven years since you chose to leve this world behind.where have all those years gone? I seem to have missed them somehow. The first fue the pain just was so unbareable I felt I could not face another day and time kept me in it’s hold most every day was as if the first holding me in its cluches only leting me breath and peek throue from time to time not leting me rember your life only your death. Yet here I am. I slowly began to emerg form that darkend pit only to find the years passed me by how did I get this fare with out you here with me.The next fue let me see my world would never be the same I would never be who I was before you left me behind. The pain had losend it’s hold only to leve me so num unable to feel and find me agen from time to time. I blamed my self for not seeing for not knowing for not being there to save you.So I mudaled throue each day.To me if I was to let go of the pain I would have to let you go I was so afraid if I did I would some how forget you afraid of losing you forever and I could never do that so I let the joys of life leve me behind for someny years.It was as if I was watching from some other place in time. Last year I thout I was past all that kind of pain I felt but no on your tenth I lost it so bad as if it was the first that dam dark pit found me agen and as I cryed out in pain I needed you here with me thats when you put in my heart. Mom its time to let go of all the pain and live agen it has been fare to long so you must rember me and what we shared not how I died my life was much more then this. I am here with you. So I have been trying to pick up all the peaces as this year has slowly gone by.Thank you michael for reminding me that the life you lived here was who you are not your death and you can only live on if I let you live throue me I am so sorry for not seeing that before how could I let the pain keep your love your life from me from the world? How will anyone know how preshies you are if I dont share you? I am so diferent now I dont even know who I am! i’m afraid ove who I will find in me yet my new path gives me hope that I can once agen share my love with out fear and pain.Be the loving and caring person I once was. Able to share with others but with much more compashen then ever before with mine and yours put together. These past fue weeks you have showen me so much you lead me to this new loving and caring family at pos and let me know I am not alone.Michael when I see all these broken hearts of the moms and dads that have lost thare preshes babys just as I have it just brakes my heart knowing the pain thay have.I wish somehow I could take all thare pain away and give them the peace you have given me. Michael look after each and every one of them that are there with you. Give them all big hugs for thare moms and dads. You have given me sigens that you are here with me. I have felt real joy for the first time in eleven years. This is so new I now know that it’s ok to live to love to share life and be happy and this is what you need me to do for you.You will always be with me.So my angle I will try to give you what you have given me peace.I will still talk to you and think of you every day but in a new way with the joy of your love and the memorys of your life to lite my way and I will keep you in my heart and see you in my dreams as always. I love you my michael with all my heart and sole I miss you so much as I always will till I see your smiling face once more. when the pain trys to take hold I will hold your love even closer to help me throue.I know I still have bad days ahead and thats ok after all I have made it this fare.I will never goodby but only till I see you agen in my dreams my sunshine. LOVE ALWAYS MOM

10~2~78~4~1`98
You are the sun the stars and moon that lites my path ways
You are in the air I breath the wormth I feel on quiet gentle days
I hear you in the laughter of memories you left behind
I see your afterglow of smiles when I close my eyes
Sore free my love the whole unavirce and beond are your to see
Blow me a kiss every now and then I’ll see you in my dreams