Sorry for the rant but I am not feeling to great lately (tonight especially) just feeling pretty hopeless and wondering if I will ever get some sort of semblance back in my life. It all started almost a year ago in April with the birth of my beautiful baby girl! Needless to say I had a grand mal seizure during the c section and since then it has just been one thing after another. I have this right sided weakness, muscle twitches, seizure like activity, unrelenting pulsatile tinnitus.Had an embolization on Mon to help with the pulsatile tinnitus which has worked on the vessel that was externally causing it but not on the inside where the AVM is. The dr said it is stable and since it is diffuse some part is located in my motor strip area, he’s calling it a grade 3. So it is not a candidate for elective surgery and he thinks haveing radiosurgery could cause more harm. My problem or fear is I never had seizures before and just yesterday I had a focal one that did not develop into a grand mal but it seems like these are happening more frequently. I am on lyrica, although at the lowest dose. I tried keppra and Lamictal but had awful side effects with those. I just feel that this thing is pushing on that part of my brain now and these seizures are going to became part of everyday life and it scares me, because if it’s pushing on it no amount of medicine is going to stop it I believe and if there is that high of a dose is Going to come with a debilitating side effect. I think I just need to hear some stories of hope from people who have a similar avm (left frontal in motor strip area) or are going through the same thing and how are you coping. Thank you again for listening.