Is this normal or am I being nuts?

Hi everyone!!!

So over the past 4 years that I have been dealing with my avm (that is from discovery to now), I have struggled with not being able to have another baby. Our son in going to be 7 in april and ever since he was 18 months old we started to try for a 2 nd baby. After a yr of no luck we met with a fertilty doctor and the next day we found out that I had an avm. This was in December 2006. In January 2007 the doctors gave me the even worse news if the avm wasnt bad enough. He said that with the size and location of my avm he doesnt want me to have any more pregnancies till it is gone. They did say that if I became pregnant things could be ok but also they could turn not so good. I was VERY lucky with my son as he was 9 #'s 11 oz's. My headaches did start after I had him so the pregnancy must have made the avm angry.

Then reason I am typing this is because my husband is right now dead against us trying because there of course is the risk of something happening to me and any possible the baby. But it seems like everyone we know are just starting their families and I'm struggling with being super happy for them and super jealous that I cant have another one currenlty. We are praying that when my avm is gone we will have no problem conceiving right away. The hard things for me are my son asks us a lot if he can have a brother or sister. He know what I have but cant completly understand why we cant. I also feel like I'm unable to give my husband the family we talked about. We never wanted just 1 child. And now we are 31 and 28 and there is no sight of this avm being gone soon. There is a chance of it being gone in November but that is only 1 yr after a 2nd gamma knife. So that is more of a miracle than reality.

Has anyone else felt like this? Gone through this? I try not to be angry with them because they can go on living there lives, I just hate that I'm stuck not being abe to give my family what they want..... I get in very depressed moods over this and then that makes me feel like I'm being selfish and ignorant. But no one except other avmers can understand how I feel and where this is coming from. My family all say they understand but they probably get mad that I cant just talk about their pregnancies and baby names and nursery decor. Some times its just to much and I spend days crying. For both things guilt over being jealous and them experiencing something that I might not be able to again! I really hope I dont sound stupid, rude or selfish. Please give me any advice or comments thank you so much ~Andrea~

Well, personally, the truth is that I'd feel exactly the same way you do. I can understand everything you've said and how you are feeling.

This is when you really need true support and guidance for your feelings from a professional because it is all just SO complicated and troubling and overwhelming AND there is simply NO easy answer. I can also understand your husband's feelings and I'm glad he knows how serious this is AND does not want you to be put in danger. That's just awesome to me. And I'm glad your doctor has given you good clear advice.

I don't think anything or anyone will make you feel better right now. I think you need to make a decision once and for all that you are waiting to get pregnant until you know it is safe for you and then stop trying to "make" this decision. You don't want to have to worry every day during a pregancy, do you? You want to be able to enjoy every minute of it and your joy will be two-fold when that time comes.

Would it help you to know that MY sisters are 8 and 10 years older than me and they are my best friends?? We are so close. My mom had me at 33 and I had a wonderful upbringing with older siblings loving me to bits! I believe that the age difference between siblings does not matter. They will adjust and love each other just the same.

I'm so sorry, Andrea, I do understand how you are feeling and my thoughts are with you. And if you don't want to talk about baby stuff with anyone, just don't! It's your right to handle this any way you want because it's ALOT to deal with. If people don't understand, too bad. They haven't walked in your shoes.

I know I’m a guy but, I must say: I have to agree with your husband. He loves you very much and he’s sacred too. Your health and you getting better is the most important thing right now. Once you are better, then you can focus on enlarging your family. Or if the doctor gives you the go ahead before that. Anything is possible.

I know this is of no consolation, but try to look on the bright side of things!! You are alive!! You should be happy that you already have one child, your husband is
just majorly concerned for your health, be happy that you have such a caring person
in your life who isn’t pushing you to have another baby despite
everything that has and is happening to you! And what would you do if, God forbid, you weren’t there for your son and husband because something happened in the pursuit of another child??? And don’t let all the “baby-crazy” people get you down. Just take it one day at a time and maybe in the future, you will be blessed with good news, but don’t fret now just don’t focus on what you might have lost but what you gained–a second chance to watch your son grow up and grow old with your husband!

Hi guys thank you all for the support and it is all very true. Most days I’m ok with everything but with about 10-12 woman I know having babies this year its really hard this time. At least I know everyone here will be supportive in the best way I need!!! I’m very happy to be alive and pray every day that my brain doesnt swell because that is what is on our mind 24/7. Again thank you so much for all the kind words and happy thoughts. Thank you ~andrea~

Hello Andrea, I know exactly how you feel, I am 30 years old and have known about my AVM for 11 years. I got married 5 and half years ago and at that time already knew that while I still had my AVM it wasn't a good idea for me to have children because the risk of a bleed was high especially because I had already had one at 22 years of age and another at 28.

I have now done Gamma Knife one and half years ago and am hoping this well get rid of the AVM. All of my friends and family around my age are at the stage of either having their first child or even their second. I look at their lives and think "wow before the year 2000 that's where I thought I would be" unfortunately we have this challenge and more and more each time something goes wrong I feel I am being challenged in life. I often wonder when or if one day it will be me having the baby shower or sharing the bond between a child and mother. We also think about other options like adoption but now that I have don't the treatment I would like to wait and see the outcome.

There are times I too cry and feel upset, mad or even jealous but the doctors are right I could be putting myself and a baby in danger. I just try to think positive and know that one day this can happen or will happen!

It's not always fair but it is the cards we were given. I think you have every right to have your bad and good days. If you ever need to talk or if there is something I can help you with please let me know.



When I had surgery for the avm, i was told not to get pregmant for 5 years. They said that the pressure of childbirth could be fatal.

Be grateful the avm was found and that you do have a child. I never did; I was never able after that. Your husband cares about you. Please take care of yourself and the family that you do have.

God Bless you.


No you don't sound crazy, your dream was taken from you. Your son was a gift given before the diagnosis and you have a second chance at life :) What if it had been the other way around little angel? One of my favorite song lyrics is, "It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you've got." You're still young enough that when the AVM is irradicated, you could still have more babies!