I do't know where else i can say this


I am not overwhelmed with family for Christmas, or too busy to see straight, or cooking any big dinner, but I am overwhelmed without family or friends. I do not drive, my son lives in Virginia, but is in North Carolina at his wife's family for Christmas. He is having a good time, I know it. That makes me happy. He only got married a year ago.

My son has not been this happy since his Dad died 15 years ago. My husband of 20 years. At Christmas, I miss my husband so much. I have wonderful memories of being with him and with my in-laws, but they have all died now, I am only 61, do not feel old, and think there's something other than being alone out there. I have some family here in Florida, which is why I moved here, but they are too busy, and they don't think about calling me and saying do you want to come over? Oh, one of them will come get me around 6 on Christmas Day for dinner at one of the houses, and I will get a ride home whenever, but that's just not Christmas. I decorated, and even made cookies like I used to. I don't know why, guess just trying to make it work. I succeeded up until today, Christmas Eve. I am lucky to have the good memories, but I am not living in the past, I am living now. I am lucky to be living after that AVM, but why can't I feel that today? Pity, self-pity is the reason.

I keep on trying.


Hello Beans, I don't know about feeling sorry for yourself is the right term to use here, I have seen all your travels & helping your family when ill lately and you have had a great time, and helped others. This time of the year can be very difficult for a lot of people, and this, I understand. I am blessed with a great family, however,my husband told me to 'get out' 17mths after surger & brain damage as he couldn't cope with the 'new me'! God help me but I still miss him every single day. Waking up alone on Christmas Day is not "pity"; I look at it as sadness. It's ok to be sad beans, just try not to let it consume you my friend!! When I woke up Christmas morning, I did feel sad, then I thanked God for the wonderful gift of His Son I don't know how you feel about praying beans, but it certainly helps me enormously!!!!! Thinking of you.....

Lesley thank you. You made me feel so much better about allowing myself to feel what I feel, but to then stop that and get on with life. It is what it is. I also do understand that you miss the man you married.

I know that I am very hard on myself, and usually not on others. I forgive everybody and hate anything that resembles fighting). I did go to my brother's tonight for dinner, and it turned out to be mostly enjoyable. I am over this hump, and New Years does not mean anything to me. Thanks.

Theres lots of humps & bumps in life beansy as you would definitely know, and you just crossed yet another one...well done! I am happy that you went to your brother's for dinner & that it was enjoyable. Still smiling at your reply.....thank YOU! xx