Helicopter Ride

Bioethics lecture Wednesday 13 January 2010.

"So incredibly fantastic it feels.

to sit here in the middle of an engaging debate

with a big smile on my face :slight_smile:

I have done it again,

the seemingly impossible has been proven wrong.

I manage to participate!"

This is such an interesting topic, discussing everything from chicken without genes for eyes to see, pumping growth hormone in cattle or humans to reach new heights and strength, or the seemingly strong desire that some people have. to select out and remove the so-called imperfect fetus, or perhaps simply because of the gender of the child.

If it would be possible (and I am sure it already is) through fetus diagnostics to see a large AVMalformation, perhaps some would think it is incompatible with life? Then what? Scary!

To quote the well known deepecologist Arne Næss from Norway “all life has a value in itself, be it human, animal, insects, river, waterfalls, woods or even a landscape in it self” Ok, drifting a little bit out of the topic here, getting to engaged and philosophical…

Enthusiastic and idealistic as I am, I am with, in, around, all over the place in discussions and debates. It trigger me!

What was it that really happened last wednesday?

Although I knew to take it easy, to follow my own pace etc, already been feeling unwell on Tuesday evening, the worst possible scenario happened in the middle of the lecture last Wednesday though.

Fortunately I had already had a good talk with the professor, what to do if and so on.

I started to feel more and more numb, the lesson never seemed to finish, I had turned totally silent, I begun to shake into spasms, I knew I was on my voyage to seizure…

I tried to stay calm, took two Stesolid just in case, crossing my fingers that it would help me out this time. I tried hard to claw me tight to the table and to my consciousness, but knew already the battle was lost. The next thing I registered was that the air ambulance people roaming around me.

So I got a ride in an ambulance helicopter again (!) ending up spending three days in the national hospital on neurological monitoring, having no less than four more seizures while I was there.

Then after my seizure had seemed to take a break and no bleeding showed up on the CT scan, I was told by a totally new neurologist (to me), that he had spoken with the head of neurological surgery department (which is the one that have the final decisions in what to do and is familiar with my case), that there was nothing more they could do for me, the whole case, that means my avm, had been completed (when?) without even bothering to inform me or my GP, or my epileptic neurologist from the same hospital?

I already knew that no surgery was possible (the location is too difficult and risky), but I did not know they did not longer wanted to consider more embos (very very risky) I only knew that the very same neurosurgeon had prepared me to face two more paralysis and now he had changed his mind… Why?

I have actually been having that in mind a whole year, trying the best I could preparing me mentally and now it seems it has been for no reason at all!

He never told me they would not actually do it. So as a direct consequent of that, there will be no gamma (because it is still far too big) ???

He did not even come and tell me that face to face, and then I was sent home alone. To an empty house. I feel so tired and exhausted right now, feel I lost something from this experience. Inspiration? Enthusiasm? Joy? Hope? Now I just feel like sleeping, sleep and more sleep.

I wish I was able to cry.

Dear Hanne,
I really feel for you so much. You are trying to live life, continue bettering yourself. I know it must be tough. Just know I admire your stregnth. Does make for a great discussion too, the bioethics part. Hang in there::)))

Thank you James :slight_smile:
I feel much better today and have got extra time for my essay. My tutor, professor in genetics is such a supporting and understanding person, she really helped me out last week. It only took five minutes from her call until both the ambulance and the helicopter ambulance arrived, She demanded them to fly me and to take me to the correct hospital as well. Now she has sent me flowers and told me to rest and not worrying about my essay until i get better :slight_smile: Still i find it difficult to not start writing, I have to find the strenght to learn how to relax and find a slow pace… What a challenge!

Hanne xxx