I am a bit puzzled to be honest. A couple weeks ago I had a health assessment for a job which included a hearing test. I was put in a small sound proof room with headphones and a buzzer to press each time I heard a noise. The results after a repeat test that was consistant that I have category 3(very poor) hearing in my left ear and category 1 (normal) hearing in my right ear. I dont really understand since the embolisation I had was to treat my AVM in my left occipital lobe but it seems like it could be related since its my left ear.
I have informed my specialists and I am waiting to hear back. Since being told this everything started to add up. When someone talks to me on my left side I notice I tend to struggle to hear what they are saying and ask them to repeat several times - I always thought it was just me being sloppy at focusing on what their saying. I also notice to focus on music in my ear phones I need music at high volume.
Has this happened to anyone else where the AVM is not in the hearing location?
Other than this life has been going well, I am working out several times a week and dieting which has boosted my confidence. I have been dressing up more and more self care. Counselling has really helped me in terms of emotional development. I do accidentally block or bump into people due to my visual impairment and I do fail to hear people sometimes but I’m not ashamed of that. Everyone has their challenges and these are mine so it feels good to fully accept myself.
I have realised my only cause of anxiety has been exams and pressuring myself to recover my memory and visual concentration in time to do 5 exams in 5 days in mid August. I have felt pressure to complete my studies in time to start the grad job in September. I’ve realised the reason behind this is my deep need to be successful, to be a motivated and driven individual, that it is a big part of my identity.
But then I looked at the bigger picture: at everything I have overcome, at how strong I am as a person. I have felt disconnected from friends my age because how we now are differant. They stress out about things that to me are superficial. They don’t make efforts to take power in changing things they are unhappy with. They don’t have the “get up and go” and appreciation of life. I don’t think I am better than them but I realised that despite them being ahead of me in terms of starting their career and for some, relationships - I have also grown ahead in terms of personal development, maturity, outlook on life. That I am infact equal to my peers, we have all been successful and developed but just in differant aspects of our lives. This past year hasn’t been a waste after all or stunted developmently for me.
Not only this but I have looked at friends who have taken a year to find a grad job and not been beating themselves up about it. When I think relatively, taking two years out to focus on my health and recover in the grand scheme of things is not me being lazy or complacent at all. Especially after experiencing brain damage and then further brain damage after my stroke in January this year. Many people my age if faced with years of deterioration, a stroke, visual and hearing impairment, losing half their hair and breaking up with their partner of 2.5 years a month before their op and suceeding in a tough assessment centre traveling to the other end of the country a month post op+stroke would not be putting as much pressure and criticism as I have on myself.
I feel a big sense of relief after this relevation. In an ideal world I would love to get my degree finished this summer and move out and start my career this september. But waiting until next summer where I can do my exams in april/may during normal exam period where I won’t have to do 5 exams in 5 days - that isnt the worst situation really. I have finally got an active social life again, a sense of routine with gym, energy to get out and about and I’m working on self development battling my emotional demons at counselling to be the happiest me. I have adapted to living back home and my parents have adapted to respect my boundaries and space as an adult now.
Thanks for reading I know its been a hella long post!