As many of you know, my marriage had been "Done & Dusted" some time ago as my husband told me to leave my home as he couldn't or wouldn't cope with my brain damage after AVM Surgery. Much drama, upsets, arguments harassment and heartache during the last 14mths since we parted. You are probably sicked of hearing about this contant drama until I told him, no more! I just needed to vent badly and I figure if I can't do this here, I have nowhere else to go.

Why then did I listen when he came to my home recently and cried & cried & begged for forgiveness and "another chance" to try to get our marriage working again?
Because, I believe in forgiveness and I also had believed in the Marriage vows I made before God.
Why did I allow him to humiliate me once again?

Because I think I can be an idiot and give the benifit of the doubt.
I no longer believe in my Marriage vows and have great difficulty with trust.
This is the last Blog re: my marriage as I cannot and will not allow anyone to put me into that situation ever again.

Thank you for listening to my rants. This site is my life-line as I've said many times and I just don't know what I would do without you all.XX

If you can 'forgive' him, you're a saint. ;)
You've bee through quite much & only you know what's best & right for you. :)

Dear Lesley, Try to not be so hard on yourself calling yourself idiot.You obviously have a good and caring heart with much capacity for forgiveness. That is a good thing. I know exactly how you thought/felt. I took my ex-husband back TWICE after affairs because of his crying/begging for forgiveness and him telling me he had learned his lesson and I was the only one yadda yadda - we had been married almost 30 years. Then there was a THIRD time!!! But that was the last time - I refused to be his victim any more. That was 5 years ago. But I too no longer believe in those vows and also have trust issues now. If you ever need to talk about it just email me here. I understand! Best wishes to you! ~Jenny

Hi Lesley - I personally think that your ex doesn's for you - not him.

*doesn't deserve you if he couldn't handle this bump in the road. And I believe that forgiveness is more for you than him. I'll refrain from calling him a douchebag...oops...never mind.

Sweet Twin...I believe you can forgive but should not forget...He wasn't there when you truly needed him..Now that you are so much stonger, he wants you back to help him straighten out the mess he put himself in...Whatever you chose, I will always love you, Lesley! AND vent you want!

I agree with Julie. Forgiveness is for you and good for you for being able to do that. I could never have done that. You have a huge heart and bless you for trying to do all that you could to save your marriage. That being said...He never deserved you! You are so much better than he could ever be. Don't allow yourself to be dragged down again. You've come too far and grown too much. You're a survivor. Don't allow yourself to be a victim again!

Hi Lesley. Your ex was not a real man in my book. Just a little boy who only wanted to be there for the good times. I have written new sample vow for your ex’s next wedding …"I, _______, take you, ________, for my lawful wife to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or even better, for richer or even more money… in good health and great health, until death do us part."
Sounds kind of ridiculous doesn’t it?

I just love Barbara's wedding vow for the partners who don't stand by their AVM Survivor! I think adding Pay Backs are a ______________should be added tho.

THANK YOU all for your wonderful support! I love our Network; you still care about me even though I keep making mistakes!
My Twin, you are so very special and yes, I too love Barbara's vow's! Yes, pay backs should be added and I have a great idea which made me think of it when Barbara made me laugh! Someone needs to tell his next "victim" to go and have a complete "medical check" to make sure she has no hidden health problems! LOL! Some of your messages made me cry with gratitude, and more "victim shoes" on this little black duck! Again, thank you ALL for caring....

My dear friend, please don't be so hard on yourself. I can understand you're wanting to give things another go because you believe in the marriage vows that you had made, and believe in forgiveness, and probably because a part of you still loves him. (I could be wrong). I don't mind your venting. It's good for you to let those feelings out, so they don't take over.

You are too good a person to put up with his garbage. He clearly does not deserve you. The advice that I would like to give to you is to forgive him for what he had put you through for yourself - to heal from every negative emotion caused by him. It does take work. You are a strong person, you are not an idiot. This is something that you can look at as a learning experience for you.

I hope that helps a bit.

My Dear Friend
I praise God every day for the privilege of knowing you. You are so selfless. The time you put into this site is proof of this. You are fighting stress, fatigue and the re-occurence of
seizures but put others before yourself. What a Saint you are to give your husband another
chance and he still did not appreciate you, only causing further stress in your life and humiliating you once more. What a precious woman he has lost through thinking only of himself and wanting you back in his life when your health improved. He did not want you for worse only better!

Leslye & frizza16, thank you both so much for your lovely words of support.
frizza, never will I be a Saint....Lol!

Lesley, reading your story about your avm and your story here is freaky. It's amazin how much in common we avm folks go through. Know what you are going through is very common, I went through that too. It was hard, but I eventually got through it. Huggers::))))

James, thank you for the huggs! It is very hard to go through the heartach, I still cry every day, byt knowing that you & my other AVM friends have survived this as well as an AVM, gives me hope. I am so very grateful for all the support I recieve, couldn't do it without you all. Love the "Huggers" James!