Feeling blue

i have notice that i cry alot most for no apparent reason i feel alone i don’t talk to anyone about this cause they say i am to focused on my disability but i am stuck in the house all day and night my husband is not an outlet for me i feel like we are two total different people he is not what i remember him to be he is colder does not talk even thought i try to make conversation is worthless i don’t have the energy to fight anymore not even my recovery i am just over it exhausted i did all my fighting when i was in rehab and i could not walk at least now i can walk and i my goal which accomplished was to get back home but if i knew that i would feel the same way i felt when i was in rehab i choose rehab at least there i am getting better and the staff would talk to me they would know when i was sad or upset here at home they don’t or maybe they don’t care there are days were i wish i did not make it so like that i would not feel so alone i am always around people but nothing is the same and i don’t know who to deal with it i wish i could talk to my husband i wish he showed me he cared i don’t feel loved right not i feel like i ruined his life like he wished he never met me so he would not have to feel the pain he felt when he got the phone call that i was in the hospital. i sometimes feel like he hates me that he only says i love you because i am his wife and he just has to deal with me. guys sorry to just put this all on you but is hard to keep it in and i keep it in for a long time.i just want my old husband back the caring romantic sweet guy not this cold mean to other. we used to be inseparable now is you do your thing i do my you go your way and i go mine i miss us i miss the long talks. i hate that me getting sick has caused so much i hate this avm i hate this stoke i want to stop pretending that i am happy when all i want to do is curl into a ball and cry i think i am border line depressed and it scares me.

Oh, Wendy, I am so sorry about everything that has and is happening to you. In my own experience, I went through a “crash and burn” period after coming home following a near death event and a long hospitalization. What you are feeling is understandable. You’ve been through hell! But, I want to remind you that you are doing a great job of taking care of yourself. You have posted your feelings and fears here on a site with folks that understand and support you. You have guts, lady! I can understand why your screen name is “Warrior Wendy”. Did your husband give you that name? I ask because I noticed he established your page for you. You know, I think he is quite brave, too, because he posted that he was very overwhelmed with everything that was happening to you. Most men wouldn’t have been able to open up and talk about their feelings like that even anonymously. My understanding is that typically husbands feel responsible for protecting their wives and for fixing things. If your husband feels that way, he may still feel overwhelmed and he may also feel confused and scared about what to do next or about what might happen next. Everyone who loves you may feel that way. This may seem ridiculous, but I ask you to try not to take their behavior quite so personally in the short run. I suggest you consider seeing your personal physician immediately and talking with him/her about how you are feeling. Talk with your doctor about your depression and anxiety. Discuss with your doctor ways in which what has and is happening to you physically might be affecting you emotionally. Sometimes just understanding what is happening and why helps to me to ride things out. Research on the internet your treatment including any drugs you are on. Discuss with your doctor how any treatments or drugs might be affecting you. When you were in rehab you probably went to PT. Are you getting any exercise now? Discuss with your doctor whether or not out-patient rehab would be good for you or if you can join an exercise group of some kind. Talk with your doctor about going to a support group in your area. Talk with your doctor about the pros and cons of his/her prescribing medication to assist you with how you are feeling. Ask your doctor to recommend a psychologist or therapist for you. If you are not able to drive, then find out if your town has a “handi-van” available to take you to some of your medical appointments so that you can feel a bit more independent. Are you eating well? If not, try to focus on healthy foods. Are you having any fun? During my lengthy recovery, I felt all I was doing was going from one appointment to another and resting up in between. Those few times I spent energy on doing something fun rather than going to medical appointments were so worth the exhaustion I felt later! Pencil some fun into that calendar I know you must be using to keep abreast of your medical appointments. If you can’t get out of the house, make phone dates! Call a friend and talk on the phone. Call a friend and have them come over (and don’t be bashful about asking them to bring you something to eat). If you don’t feel up to having them over, watch a TV show or movie together with you on one end of the phone line and your friend on the other! In the long run, of course, you and your husband need to talk about how both of you are feeling and about what you both need from each other during this stressful time. I am smiling right now because you have both shown that you are very good at talking about your feelings. You are waaaaaay ahead of many couples because of this. I won’t wish you luck because I don’t think you need it, but I do wish you all the best! Take care, Beth

HI! Wendy I’m sorry I wish you don’t have to go through this…But it is like we reborn again. like a butterfly coming out of the cocoon. Went to the same feeling too…But we have to understand that husbands they feel sad and frustrated not able to help out…I used to be workaholic Independent Not get anybody help, and when I was diagnosed with this condition…It was the end of the world for my I was feeling like my husband was mad at me and really disappointed, that my everybody was feeling sorry for me also my family were looking at me with sorry and there were getting taller of been there for me…I had the stroke then I went trough the craniotomy time and between those months feeling that I was able to do everything on my own…I had a car accident car was destroyed…In that time I was feeling worst day of my life…Thinking of I’m not going to be able to drive again…Also my husband was not talking to me like before, my mother didn’t call me in that week that a crash my car…I learned the hard way to live one day of the time and think see what happens tomorrow…Also I learned to be happy everyday not to care about everybody else I promise myself that…And also I promise myself to be strong that nothing can disturb my peace of mind…To strong for fear…and that my family will have a future…If you had a negative energy around you husband and around people you will get negative energy…But if you have positive energy that is what you have in returned To anticipated success rather the failure to see god rather than evil or bad thinking or failure thinking… Have faith everything will be better little but little. you will succeed In life…You have to give you sometime to you and to you husband too…You should open the web page for the “secret” that did help me a lot… Don’t take me wrong also I spoke to my doctor and he give depression medication but I’m taking the lower dosage… sorry about my spelling…Good luck and god bless… Hey I"m here if you need to chat…

I am so sorry you are feeling this way…but this is definitely the place to go to just unload. I second bot Anabel and Beth, esp. Beth. My husband was very concerned @ first and he went to every doc. appt. w/ me…then the docs were telling me it was “stress”…HA…After the MRI the dr. called and said get to an emergency room…I made her tell him also…that’s when he started taking everything serious. But, then things get “old”, and you feel like they don’t care anymore, but that’s not true, men want to be able to fix things and they get very frustrated w/ them selves for not being able to fix or cure you. They feel helpless and it comes out of them in different ways. Please talk to ur dr. I’m on antidepressants, Prozac, along w/ most people in this country,(LOL), it helps…but it also helps to get out of the house and see that there are others out there that are in worse shape and are in severe pain and suffering.That has helped me alot…esp. knowing people who has cancer thru our church. I will be praying for you to find the peace you need, and really talk to your dr. and ur husband. Really talk…Good luck to you!

Hi, you poor thing, you can’t bottle things up, it just makes them far, far worse. Talking to someone, anyone is much,much better. A councilor, anyone, you only need a sounding board, not anyone with an opinion, just so you can talk and get thru things in your own mind. I know that sounds like such a small thing, but believe me it helps. I went and saw a councilor, several times. She had no knowledge, but it helped me to unburden myself. My heart goes out to you. No one wants to feel isolated, that in itself is bad for us. Your husband has to adjust to things as well. But you have to take care of number 1 (yourself) and the rest will follow. Be kind to yourself, you have been thru a lot. Anyone on this site understands that.
I hope you find the opportunity to talk to someone. I hope you start feeling better. Remember you are still you. Amanda J

Hi, I hope this finds you well and happy. I just thought I would see how you are going? to let you know I and many others care. Please feel free to contact me.
Take care
Amanda J