Emotional instability

Think I’ve chosen the right topic to ask.
If there is a group of “mates” can u explain me how to overcome if not a “depression”, but a constant feeling that life has ened after my rupture in 2015. My trainer says that i have an obvious progress in physical condition, but constan emotional decline. To be honest i don’t want to live anymore, because I don’t have any hope and any belief that sometime I’ll be able to live fully. That is way i don’t see any sense living and don’t know what to do. I fed up with constant complaining, but I can’t stop( i know there isn’t any advice such as do this and it’ll be ok, but at least any steps to achieve “normal” feeling. I don’t believe i’ll be ever able to have normal life and that kills me. Besides i can’t accept the fact that being disabled can be also ok:(

We are here to help eachother as much as possible and i can only speak from my personal experience and tell you its not easy but there is light at the end of the tunnel and you just need to be strong, have faith and importantly be positive… remember there is always someone out there much worse or some who are not here to share their story, so being alive in general is a blessing no matter how hard that may feel.

I hope you can overcome your problems and seek medical advice about your depression as it is common in this day and age from so many ppl…what doesnt kill you only makes you stronger… God bless!

Well said. That we can participate in the forum means that we have survived to see the sunrise another day.

Hello Artem
I am so sorry you are feeling so bad. It is a heavy load - I am not sure if you had a bleed or a stroke but I know for me I seem more apt to cry since I had my stroke which was a pre cursor to my avm.
I had to learn how to walk and talk and do math all over again.
I did go with through a mourning of my old self and accepted my limited new self but strive to get back as close as I can to my old self. This is what has worked for me,

I have a great deal of brain pain and left side pain and weakness from my stroke and sometimes I fall down. But I am so glad I have my mental brain back and can do simple things again.

I try to keep to a schedule, get enough sleep and eat protein in the am which helps a bit with my pain.

Dont give up on yourself - We are here for one another.


I went through a similar depression period after my bleed and then again after my craniotomy when I was left with permanent vision loss. I’m actually not sure I’m fully through it yet, there are still rough days. But what helped me was to write everything out. Getting all of my inner thoughts and fears and angers out and onto paper really helped me to let go of them easier. I never even showed anyone, I just put it in the book so I didn’t have to carry it all the time inside. I also adopted the philosophy of smile or cry. On bad days you either put on a smile and push through, or just stop and cry it out. Either way you’ll feel a bit better, I personally felt better when I smiled and pushed through because it reminded me I’m still a fighter.

I hope it starts to get easier for you, there are still tons of good things in life whether you are your old normal or your new normal.

I feel how you feel.you are not alone in this; but I’ve learned being different doesn’t have to mean disabled.it might take some time to be who you were But with a little optimism and a little hard work you can be who you were,and if you cannot go back to being the same doesn’t mean you can’t be better.all the most precious gems need a little friction to shine We are all here for you please don’t give up you are stronger than you know

After my treatment and burst in 6th and 5th grade respectively i had the same thought process for the next 6-7 years. If your logic was the same as mine:

If it happened in the past why not again?
I thought about death pretty frequently for those 6/7 years, almost nightly. It was a bad time, I learned to live on 3 hours of sleep for 21 hours of consciousness. I tried to think like normal people think, instead of over analyzing every situation. I still analyze excessively, but now I am so self conscious that i consider all of the potential repercussions. For example: I have weakness in my left half of this body. my thoughts would be minutes in advance. I have to hold my books to open my locker to put stuff in, about 3 minutes before i knew i would have to do that, i would start stretching and opening my hand to the best of my ability. I would also start warming up the bicep to be able to hold the weight of my books. That way when the time was ready i could. It’s now about 12 years later and all of this is subconscious. To give another example: When i drive to school I automatically start moving my left hand in advance to indicate the turning signal. You will adapt, it will take time, but you will adapt.

Obviously the younger you are the easier adapting will be. Mine burst at 10 years old so i started adapting pretty early on in my life. Now, I am adapted well enough that I can handle almost any situation thrown at me.

With respect to emotion, I started writing compulsively during the hours i wouldn’t sleep. In the 3 years that i actively wrote i amassed over 20 thousand words worth of writing. It helped me, I don’t know if it will help you. Not all of my writting correlated directly to my life, as some days i would just explore the potential ramifications for certain theoretical concepts. Whereas other days i would write strictly about what happened in my day at school.

To give you an example of adapting. I lost most movement of my left digits (left toes and fingers). Obviously the toes arent a very big deal, but the fingers were fairly crippling earlier on. Over the past 12 years i have adapted my typing to type with one hand, without looking at the keyboard using all 5 of the digits on my right hand. Sure people will tell me that my typing style is wrong, but its the best that i can do.

I haven’t had it as bad as most, but I felt like i was entitled to an average life with average mundane events like any other person. You can still experience life, just now theirs a barrier to entry to experience it. To be fair, most people would probably have called it quits in their 3rd year in my position, but here i am 12 years later almost done with college, and sure im not the brightest student out there, i don’t have the most time, i am not the most adept at the subject. But i am making do with what i have.

In summary you will learn to adapt, by force or by struggle you will. And that will define your strength later on in your life.

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