Distancing people that matter

Hi All.
Have just had a step backward after meeting with my Neurosurgeon. He informed me a couple of weeks ago that my AVM has been totally removed from my op, however yesterday they have found the aneurysm is involuted but is still 2mm flow aneurysm which will need looking at in 3 months time.
Just when you think its safe to get back into the water hey!!

I thought the "mechanics" of the Brain surgery was behind me and I had to just deal with the emotional side, which is immense.

I am having more and more "difficulties" with my Wife, on a daily basis, to the point I feel I want to be on my own. I am truly thinking of taking some time out from our relationship which I have tried to discuss with her, without any joy.

I am not talking about love or anything like that, I just feel I need some distance to put some order back into my life and figure a way forward.
One thing I do know since having this AVM, is you really go over the good and the bad parts of your life.
I want to do something that will challenge my senses like going to India or somewhere exotic that is completely different from the way I live presently.
I don't want this as a holiday, but more of a rediscovering of who I am and where I am going.
As you can imagine this has fallen on rocky grounds with my Wife and the distance between us has got even bigger.
I am at the point where I feel I want to pack my bags and just go, which is really extreme.
Have any of you felt this way also????

You can go to the next house, you can go half way around the world but unless your mind is in the right place, things will never change. People fall back into the same patterns of behavior with totally different people.
If you want to move on or away from your wife, that's one thing. If you want to change your life or how you live your life, you have to be prepared to change the way you live.

Hi Stuart,

Based on nothing, I'm guessing your wife is as frustrated as you are, but for possibly different reasons. Before going to India, I'd suggest you, or maybe both of you, seek help from a competent counselor. It might be that you are still reading the same book, but are on different chapters.

Best of luck to both of you.

Ron, KS

Hi Stuart - Similar to what was already said, you can go different places, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that the “place” will change you to whom you want to be.

People or a mirror, however, can tell you a lot regarding what works for you and feels comfortable for you and what doesn’t.

I can tell you that from personal experience, I’ve seen simply grotesque things in myself that I didn’t even know were hanging around, and it just took a mirror to see it; however, seeing, reading, etc. of other perspectives helps me to question my “mirror” and how I want to be.

My husband of 17 years left me while I was dealing with the worst of my AVM and I had to go through spontaneous hemorrhages, fighting while deathly ill with insurance companies and a self-avowed expert AVM doctor who was so bad and so incompetent the hospital later fired him....Alone. Your wife has stuck through this AVM roller coaster WITH you She didn't bail out on you when things got tough. I would suggest talking to a good counselor before you make any life-changing decisions I'm not the same person I was before I was diagnosed with an AVM and went through all the experiences with treating and living with an AVM. I understand that feeling of needing to re-dfine who you are now. But one goal in life is to be at peace in this world as much as possible with your self and others. And sometimes that means being able to be at peace where you are now. When you are in emotional turmoil it is the absolute worst time to make important decisions If your wife has tried to be supportive and stayed present with you during this difficult battle with the AVM you are a blessed person. The only thing worse than going through the physical and emotional experiences of an AVM is having to go through them totally alone.

Wow, Kim, what a tragic story. I'm sorry your husband couldn't be there to support you.

Very good words you wrote. I cherish my wife (through the AVM, then colon cancer). I can't imagine a day without here. It's corny to say, but I love her more now than when we first got married 35 years ago. And she loves me the same or better.

Best wishes to you (and all of us)

Ron, KS