Depression

Finding a neuro phys is definitely a good thing to do...they can test you to find the areas having problems in your brain. Just want to let you know in my case, I saw a neuro-phys who only do the testing and didn't provide any therapy for your depression...But there are neuro-phys that do both.

Wishing you the best! Please know you are not alone...we are here to support you.

Reading all the replies given to Devongrace just serves to verify that the members here are very caring, supportive, and fantastic people and I am humbled to be a small part of that. Depression is a very common thing unfortunately in many (if not all) of the AVM stories I've heard. It affected me as well. A good therapist, whether that's a neuropsych, counselor, or psychiatrist, can help a person navigate through it and seems to be great advice. The important thing here, and I believe it applies to the majority (or eventually will), is the strength and positive change associated with being a survivor. For me personally, I have always thought I was physically and mentally strong, but it wasn't until having to deal with this AVM that I found myself on a path to being a much better person. I truly believe I would never have gotten there if it wasn't for this AVM. But I still don't like it (the AVM) and don't have to. ;)

Bottom line, the members here are fantastic and a wonderful source of support and we all have your back. Wishing you the very best Devongrace. :)

Suzy

Devongrace, One more thing..When you see your scheduled phys appointment, please take your records about your AVM with you. Whenever, I see a new doctor, no matter what they specialize in, I take my AVM records with me for them to know about my AVM treatments, etc. Sometimes the doctors know all about AVM's, but sometimes they don't. Keep the Faith!

Yay for your posting, Suzy!

Isn't Suzy the best.....We love you Suzy...thanks for all you do for us!

Yes Suzy is the best as are you, Louisa, as is everyone! Oops, we can't all be the best, I will have to ponder this ... lol. Hi Louisa!

Hmmm, the "best" is both a term used in the place of great, but also implies a grading scale (the best, the second best, etc.). Thank you for the compliment Susan, you are very kind but I have to add that everyone here tries to help each other out in their own way and for that reason, I think everyone here is the best. ;) So yes Virginia (ok, Christmas just passed), I think we can all be the best... lol. Wishing the "best" for everyone!

I feel your pain. I underwent a craniotomy in September 2014. I came out super positive like I could conquer the world. 6 weeks after brain surgery, I was in a car accident (i was rear-ended) and the impact of hitting my head caused a 2nd brain hemorrhage. I cannot snap out of it. I suddenly feel just how fragile my brain really is. I feel like people around me keep thinking "why can't this girl just get over everything and move on". I feel like I cry a lot and feel emotionally and physically exhausted. I'm also on Neurontin and take 6 pills a day. It seems to be getting harder to stay positive and focus on the fact i'm still alive. I recently tried talking to a therapist- have you taken that avenue yet? I find it's helpful in knowing it's ok to have these feelings. I think the toughest part is it's so rare to find someone who has experienced what you have been thru and can thoroughly understand how you feel.

It's not an easy road and I wish I had an answer to help you focus on the positive. Keep your chin up and best of luck.

Thank you so much for your advice Armand! did your AVM affect your job / employment?

That makes so much sense. I have talked to my neuro about it; and she put me on some crazy heavy meds. so i've been hoping to find a neuro-psych that has a bit better insight.
did you go to a psych for your depression?

Thank you so much Suzy!!!! I have never felt so NOT alone with my AVM before posting here.
It's incredible. Every response just shows me more and more that i'm not crazy...and i'm not alone...and i'm not 'over dramatic'. it makes me tear up knowing that...it's incredible!

your story makes me tear up...that's exactly how i feel.
The Neurontin made me so insane. I was so up and down, i had to get off it. I was at 600mg 3x day and couldn't handle it.
I think the next best thing is to find a psych / neuropsych.

I just recently saw someone...and he summed up our session with 'you have a lot going on that i don't know if i'm able to help you with...i think we should look into other possible options'
that was a little discouraging...

It's ok to be discouraged, but don't give up. I think paying this person and wasting your time would be more discouraging. Find someone else you like. I would rather be told "I don't think I can help you" then find that out much later. And tell the therapist your concerns, it can only help the both of you. Good luck :)

it's not easy to shake off; but i think i've found a really good doctor that is taking a holistic approach rather and pharmacy being dosed to me daily. So far - i really like her!

That's great, devongrace....It is really important that you really like and trust your doctor. Keep us posted on your progress! Stay Strong & Positive!

Hi Devongrace, I am a new member, reaching out for the first time with people who can truly understand the emotional roller coaster dealing with an avm can be.
I remember experiencing the depression. Feeling hopeless, lonely and frustrated. The uncertainty of what will happen next- when will I get better, when will the pain ever end. I knew I was in trouble when I no longer had and interest in listening to music and pajama day was no longer pajama day but pajama week. Friends would ask if I wanted to go out and I would usually refuse. When I did go out, no enthusiasm at all; such an empty feeling.
There is no one thing that has helped me through the depression. I was/am fortunate to have very supportive and persistent family and friends(I put on a brave face so they wouldn't worry about me-didn't work). Anti-depressant medication and visits to the social worker at the doctor's office. Volunteering, training for an occupation and watching comedies. Time and patience with yourself are essential.
Some days will be good some not as good. I'd say take it day by day but sometimes even a day seems too long. Moment by moment would be more appropriate.
I wish you well. And I wish you peace.

I too had avm , seizures, headaches etc. Im sorry things aren’t going fine. I understand depression and suffer from it as well.
All I can can say is I hope it turns around soon!

Hi Devongrace, I hope you’re feeling better. I had my first down day yesterday and it helped a heap by talking about it (not something I’ve historically been good at)it looks like you’re also doing that, I hope it’s helping.

Devongrace,

It's heartbreaking to read your story. I can actually say I have been there and done that. With my AVM in my chest, although I am better than I used to be, I can't be the person I was. If I have too much physical activity it could be a problem. I was playing with my four year old nephew at a birthday party the other day, and I played one game and needed a break.

It hurt me so much I was crying. Getting depressed over this is VERY normal.

What gets me through is trying to focus on the positive. I could be gone, but I am not. We have to remember how tough we are. We have seen the worst, and we MADE IT! Take in the enormity of that. We have fought something that is so strange that people don't even get it. I tell people I have an AVM and they look at me like I have five heads. Some doctors don't even know about it, and we made it! Isn't that amazing? We survived!

Just take it one day at a time. It sounds cliche, but what choice do we have? But remember, we MADE IT! We are still here!

Hope that helps,
Alan

PS I am going to friend you on here, seems like we have similar issues with the way this depresses us, would love to chat more.

All I can say is I’ve had 2 cavernous malformations 1 in the brain stem and 1 in the frontal lobe in 2012. it was hard I had 3 neurosugeons tell me they cant operate in my brainstem area. then it bled again along with all the deficts right side numbness 6th nerve palsey in the right eye lost my drivers licence. I felt useless and broke. but slowly buy surely I got better and today I got my license back and my eyes went back to 95% and numbness is a minor inconvenience. I hardly notice it anymore. so… it gets better! will they come back again? yes the doctor Lawton said I have them all over my brain. but they never grow back in the same place twice im told. It will make you a stronger person now. even though you cant see it. I didn’t. and appreciate things more.

troy