Denial and Magic Thinking

I couldn't tell you why but I'm often hesitant to share good news or think positive thoughts. I'm afraid it may jinx me and cause a bad thing to occur. I know better than that though. Events stand on their own, for good or for bad.
"God's going to punish you!" Pride. Envy. Boastfulness. Sneakiness. The warning would always be the same. The God who claims to love you. Then again, it wasn't God who was saying it. It was a parent, an elder, a holy person, an acquaintance. Anyone who feared you would fly too close to the Sun.
It was June 17th, 1988. The day that would change my life forever. That was the day I had the seizure which led to my being diagnosed with an AVM.
That day seems so long ago. A generation ago. Everything that happened between that day and May 1, 2012 means very little.
I was beginning to reconnect with living. For a long time I was a prisoner in my own home, my own mind. More stories for another time because that's not how I am anymore.
My first thought was Lyme disease because I found a tick a few weeks prior and I was waiting for time to pass so I could get a blood test. I slept all day, ALL DAY, May 1. I couldn't wake up.
May 2nd was a bit better. I was up off and on. Thursday the 3rd was a bit better again. Friday the 4th I told my wife to call 911. I was sick and not feeling well at all. I really didn't get sick often and when I did, I would do what was necessary to get better. I was not getting better on my own.
I don't really remember much of anything except bits and pieces. I remember them telling me there was a sign of a bleed on my brain. I knew there was calcification but the nurse said "No. It's fresh blood."
The next 5 days were a blur. I remember a few things, images, snippets of conversation. Not much else.
Finally, I woke up. I didn't know what day it was, what time it was or where I was. I remember seeing a the green glow of the monitor and I could sense, then see someone to my right reading a paperback.
Then I was out again. The next time I woke up I was in a bed and there was a television. All I wanted was something to eat and a Dr. Pepper.

just the first installment.

A Dr. Pepper? You have to admit, that's kind of funny. I was in a coma for 3 days in 1981. Your story reminds me of my own experience. That was so long ago now, I can't remember what I was hungry for when I came out of it. I know it wasn't hospital food.
The good thing is, you are feeling better than you were. Get well, my friend.


You know the worst part about the something to eat part was how bad food tasted to me for quite some time. There were only two things that didn't taste bad to me; oranges and ice cream sandwiches. Every other food tasted like bad pastrami, overly garlicky and overly salty.

Hello, sorry for all that has happened to you. I hope I can be as strong as you. I can’t shake my scared to death feeling.
Your post about food and dr pepper made me laugh! (thank you). I understand completely about food tasting all garlicky and salty - I still feel like that. I was craving a diet coke but couldn’t taste the fizz in it prior to surgery.
Wishing you good health and happiness.