Dealing with Death in the Family

My dad passed away 13 years ago, the year of my AVM, after I barely survived and three years later my mom came down with cancer, and they were not as good at treating that then as they are today.

I was working then and I was allowed to drive then, but
I was then still far from 100% back. I still had issues
with my memory and big issues with fatigue. No staying up
late for me, if I tried to my mind and body would rebel.
I would be good for nothing or very close to that until
I had my full nights sleep. Even today I do not stay up
after perhaps midnight unless it is an emergency for real.

When my mom was placed in the hospital I brought her in
and got her into the room, and she did not appear to be
in very bad shape, at least not near death. The exploratory
surgery though found the cancer to be "everywhere" and
they told me that there was not much at that point that
could be done. Relatives came to visit her that weekend
at the hospital and she rallied to see them one more time,
and I tried to warn them how bad off she was but they
would not believe me. They seemed to think that I, her only
child, was not there with her much and that was true
but it was all I was able to do. I saw her every day, and
the last time I told her that I knew she would be in
Heaven soon and see many that she had known and lost in
the past. Told her we loved her and she smiled and nodded
but she could not at that point move her legs or even
much move her arms.

That night she died in the middle of the night and
the Dr. called me to tell me. I was blamed by relatives
for not being there, but because of my AVM I was not
able to be there in the middle of the night even if I
had know she was dying then. They didn't understand
how it was for me to be around, but not be as capable
as they thought I was.

I was named executor of her estate and I could sign things
and authorize the things left to different people to be
sent to each, but my wife had to do the real work of going
through it all and keeping things or throwing them out.
I was not able in a million years to do it all. I was
fortunate to be alive at all. Do any of you understand how
this was?

Thanks for reading this. Even today it is hard to write all
this, and I am glad that she is no longer in the pain
that she was then.