A week and a half ago I had brain surgery for an AVM in my right frontal lobe. I’m a brass tacks, give me the facts, logic oriented person. The emotions are there, but reality is the priority. I am surprised at the thoughts this surgery has inspired and wondered if others had thoughts of the vastness of the smallness of it all - or was it just surgery? I was raised Christian but became Atheist at about 16 years old (I’m, 46 now) and it was a mystery to me if I were really an Atheist, or if pressed during a difficult time would I reach out for that bargaining in the sky that I was taught as a child to reach for. As it turns out, I am an Atheist. Thoughts of death were clinical, it’s over - nothing more to see here… and I was totally okay with that, unfettered. I hardly thought of it at all. That gives me great comfort. To know that it’s okay to die, I’m not going to miss anything and the world will go on as if I were never here before too long, Strangely liberating. I’m one of the lucky ones, in that I have been able to do a lot of interesting things and I’ve travelled a lot, so there is no real bucket list. There are things I would like to do, but nothing I need to do before I die. I think the most stressful thing about the surgery was trying to keep my family calm before the procedure and act like it was nothing so they didn’t stress me out. It worked out though and I am so lucky to have such a wonderful support group. Also, because this surgery deals with the mechanics of the brain, my insurance will be paying for a therapist. It would be nice to sort my thoughts out with a professional, I think.
The doctors and nurses at UAMS were absolutley amazing and I couldn’t have asked for better care. My recovery is coming along swimmingly and I am able to run quick errands and work around the house a little. I have been able to get off some of the medications so eating and sleeping will be leveling out soon. Other than that I’ve got all my spa products and tools on the coffee table with my computer and a television full of streaming stuff - keeping the lights dim and the place calm. I know I’ll get bored soon, and I don’t want to read much. What are some of the things you found to do for a month while you can’t do much? Thanks for listening to my rant.