I’ve got a couple of questions that I’m wrestling with and I figure if I am, odds are, probably at least one other person is, so I’m going to be that person who asks the question.
My kids youth group leader said it beautifully, when she would go out for coffee with a teen or sense that they are feeling a bit awkward, she’ll take the initiative and throw the awkward question out there and say, “I’ll be awkward so you don’t have to.” Now obviously, being the youth group leader of 30 to 50 teenagers is a lot different than this, but I’m going to follow her footsteps. So, Christy, this one is for you……
Here’s the deal, there are people, including my wife and I and my brothers and such who are all wishing/thinking that I should be able to move forward from this better than I am. The other day my wife said, “You know, our daughter has a heart condition and it’s hard on her and it’s hard on us. There’s a lot of things that she can’t do because of her heart condition, and that sucks. But because of her heart condition she has made some amazing new friends - other kids like her.”
“I think you’d be a lot happier if you could find that “thing” and say, “I can’t do this and I can’t do that but……” And focus on that…….
I think that personally I am doing significantly better at not jumping to conclusions and not getting ticked off until I truly understand things. So, I responded and said, “I would love to find something that I could still do well, any ideas?” “Well, not really.”
So, in case you didn’t know that about me, but I think better when I write than I do if I just think or if I talk about it. I spent a couple of hours yesterday in sort of a self exam/written essay where I went through and looked at the things I used to do and the skills that those took and whether I would be able to do them now. “based on Mr. Vanderwell’s medical records and his testimony today, are there any positions out there that Mr. Vanderwell would be able to do full time without significant concessions and adjustments that would make the position effectively not useful?” “No, your Honor, there are not.” (Vocational Rehab person to Judge)
And there you have it. Uncle Sam (a.k.a. The government) has come out and said, “That Mr. Vanderwell, when it comes to work, he’s got nothing.”
The only thing that I can do that I’ve previously done occupationally has been writing. I did a LOT of that when I was working for the orphanage and it was very productive. I currently have a lot of ideas I want to write about but stuff keeps getting in the way:
- One of the things that this embolization did in my head was made it unbelievably hard to stay focused. I’ve always had a “bit” of ADHD but this ramped it up by a factor of 10. So I have ideas but I can’t get them off the ground.
-The unreliability of the headaches. I can’t tell whether something is going to cause just a minor issue or it’s going to knock me down for a large portion of the day. So I have a very hard time planning things and keeping things going.
–The desire to try to meet impossible standards when it comes to being the stay at home dad - along with all of the distractions that come with being at home.
-What am I missing in this saga? Is there something I should be considering that I’m not?
-How do you “start” a hobby? Until now, my hobbies have been computing, reading and golfing. My head, eyes and my 1 ½ lungs make all of those a challenge. Not to mention I live in a place where you can really only golf May through September (yay, Michigan).
-My wife and I talked about other things - like redoing old furniture, fixing computers, parting out used cars, lawn mowers etc. My wife thinks that they would be very frustrating - which if they were on a specific time line, they would be. Putting an additional garage in the back yard would provide the space and we could put an office in there too - but that wouldn’t be free.
What else can a guy do to feel better about himself when there is really very little that he can do for any length of time without feeling like he got run over?
We don’t have extra space for a hobby inside the house right now and probably won’t until our 27 year old moves out (estimated time 6 months - less if her brother really annoys her) - she graduates in April with a Bacherlors in Cardiac Sonography. She has basically the family room in the basement so there would be room in there for some hobby things. Do you have any advice on setting up and starting a hobby in space ,…like that?
Are there any questions I should be asking that I’m not asking or things I should think about that I’m not?
And if you managed to read this far, thank you. In as much of an abbtrviated form as possible, this is where I am and what I’m wrestling with.
Any thoughts, ideas, etc, would be greatly appreciated.
*tosses mic to Merl and tries to figure out where Richard hid all of the chocolate……