I have recently gotten frustrated with my recent situation. Whether I've previously mentioned it before or not,I dedicated two years of my life to therapy. I had to wait two years after my high school graduation/injury until I could deem myself prepared to tackle college.
It was a good thing at first. I was finally ready to attend college classes,despite being two years behind my friends. It was a bit of a miracle I was even determined to do so,when it was so easy to just quit completely and drop my hopes for a career in the future. Getting well is my priority now. Getting rid of the ruptured blood vessels is more important than getting good grades and making some new friends.
Fast forward five to six semesters later and where am I? The point of annoyance at the realization that at the pace I've been in,who knows when I'm graduating from SJU. It's like I'm way behind everyone else,and if you knew me personally you'd know that I'm the type of person who was in sync with everyone else until my incident.
For the record,I sometimes want to cry in front of classmates (from high school or in college) who ask me when I'm graduating. I DON'T KNOW. I don't want to because I'm scared to find out. I wish I didn't have to answer that question.
AVM stole from me the time I needed to move forward with my life,and it hasn't even gone away yet. I hope that GOD at least gives me the opportunity to get a college diploma before he takes me away. The overachieving Jill from before my injury wants to get a degree,but my post-AVM self wants to get rid of the physical obstacles that make me feel abnormal.
Jill, it is very hard for teens and young adults to have their plans derailed by avms just as they are starting out. It is very difficult to adjust your expectations and set new goals at this age.
It can be very freeing in some ways dropping the idea that you have to compete with others and do things at a "normal" pace. It's hard, though, as so many messages in society are telling us that we must be like everyone else. I hope connecting with others in your situation will make you feel better. Best wishes!
You are an AVM survivor! That alone earns you a diploma or at least a trophy. If something takes you longer than others to accomplish... Then it takes you longer. So what? (smiles) You should be very proud of what you have already accomplished (I read your profile). For many of us who's lives have been changed -- every day is an accomplishment to one degree or another. Be proud of yourself for doing all that you can do. Try not to be so hard on yourself. Many people who are in good health don't even put in the effort to better themselves. And... you are (wink).
You feeling abnormal:/ It takes us time to come to terms with the new "me". It's not an easy road but, we do get there. I learned the hard way not to wish for something I can't have -- it only set me up for a disappointment. And I like myself to much to keep disappointing myself.... Ha Ha