Hello everybody,

My daughter is almost 13. Her AVM first bled in 2009. That was the first of three craniotomies (2009, 2010 and 2011). She’s really struggling with anger and striking out when she’s upset. She hits me, throws things and knocks things down. After she cools off, she realizes what she did. But the anger and negativity are very tough. Any suggestions? She’s in counseling. But when she flies off the handle, the impulsivity gets the best of her.

Hope everybody is having a good day.


Tina, I'm sorry your daughter is struggling. Being 13 is hard enough. I can't imagine how difficult it must be for her to be dealing with her AVM on top of trying to just be a teenager. You said she is in counseling, which is great. If she is not already seeing a neuropsychiatrist I would suggest you perhaps try to find one in your area. They are knwledgable about not just the emotional impact of what she is going through but the physical aspects as well. The areas of the brain that are affected can be part of the problem and a neuropsychiatrist will understand that and may be able to help. Best of luck with her Tina. I do hope you find help for both of you.

At 14 meeting a lady who had 7! brain AVMS in hospital helped me. A doctor organised it.

Hi Tina.......I too was a teenager 15yrs old when i went through my AVM and now I am almost 29 and still have issues with my anger and how I hurt my loved ones unintentionally. ( My anger levels and frustrations and the amount of damages I have caused to relationships are as much to the extent where neighbours have filed Police complaints against me & also I was once upon a time suspended from this same AVM website when I had reached uncontrollable levels of anger and was not in a HEARING MODE).

Impluse Control Disorder(ICD) is worse because it makes the person who committed the violence feel GUILTY but feels helpless unable to solve it.

My suggestion is - finding doctors or counsellors who actually are able to give time for the AVM patient to explain out their frustrations and angers for hrs together but without being judged and assured they are only LOVED will help release the bottled up pressures for the AVM patient......After this first step when there is relatively neutral set of emotions doctors may be able to work on techniques to study our living atmosphere and patterns of strugggles and come up with LIVE FEEDBACK on adjusting ourselves to our NEW SELF.

It will be a lengthy struggle of trials and errors but faith will make things possible.

If any of my Discussion threads on my Profile page help answer your scenarios I would be more than happy to talk to you in detail.

Please do feel free to reach out to me as a hearing hand :) Good luck :)

Bangalore, India.

Santhosh, I am sorry to hear things were so bad for you. My daughter really struggles. When she gets frustrated, she has no control of her words or actions. I spoke to a local neuropsychologist last week. He does testing, but not counseling. One of the challenges is that our area has few people with experience with brain injuries. I am trying to talk to her counselor about impulsitivity and working with frustration. I sent a couple links to hopefully help her. In the meantime, I am trying to find a balance to the fatigue that forces her to take naps every day after school. I figure she will come to terms with her disabilities when she’s ready to face them.

My prayers are there for your daughter Mrs.Tina......I was mainly trying to highlight many a times we may not get solutions when we use the commonly known suggestions......we must be ready to take the risk of unconventional approach as well.....i mean i too have been through this same struggle of anxieties with the medical fraternity........but each person's solution comes when we catch the CRUX of the problem....My intuition still says your daughter wants to be HEARD....even if it means 10 million times repeating the same frustration over a period of years....Its just the feeling that someone hears us without PASSING JUDGEMENTS.......that is enough for the mind and heart to be convinced that the pain one faces is valued. Many a times we ourselves discover solutions...... all that we want from others is .......just a shoulder to cry on...... not give solutions..... SOLUTIONS WILL COME AUTOMATICALLY.....that is why it is called INTUITION. CRYING IS NOT A SIGN OF WEAKNESS....SINCE BIRTH CRYING IS A SIGN THAT WE ARE ALIVE :) Your daughter is too young and all that i meant is lets not refer that "too young" as an "excuse" to follow the same conventional doctor-patient approach.....pls do have a word with the dcotor about this suggestion n they may try to implement this in an unconventional way in their treatments.....if they do not encourage it then we can still implement it in our personal life....its not going to have any side effects :)

I hope u would have realised this requires a lot of patience and faith as it is not a one-day is to do with a personality of a patient which has to evolve over a phase of will make things possible :)

As i said once this phase of releasing the bottled up pressures for the AVM patient is done then After this first step when there is relatively neutral set of emotions, doctors may be able to work on techniques to study our living atmosphere and patterns of strugggles and come up with LIVE FEEDBACK on adjusting ourselves to our NEW SELF.

You may want to take a PRINTOUT OF THIS CONVERSATION and show your doctor.....NOBODY KNOWS...... A DOOR MAY OPEN UP HOPES :)

My Prayers and best wishes are there with you :) Pls do hang on :)

Bangalore, India.