ambulance
went to a thai restaurant for dinner last night and half way through the meal i started blacking out. i don’t remember much - i just gradually started losing my vision, all dizzy and hearing went. apparently my eyes were rolling around in a scary way and i was unresponsive to questions at times (unconscious), my head falling down so he had to hold it up. pale and clammy everywhere. eventually when i was semi conscious again and i had muffled hearing but couldn’t see (vision not there still) people were around me and saying “an ambulance is coming”. i just kept saying in slurred speech that i didn’t need one. then i noticed that my arm, all the way down to my leg (unusual for it to me in my leg) was numb. my hand and arm paralyzed. that’s when fear struck me and i thought i may have had a hemorrhage. i started crying a bit and saying “i love you” to him. all this in a restaurant. charming. the paralysis is normal for me but blacking out isn’t. ambulance came, i’ve never been in one before. i was absolutely freezing all of a sudden and teeth chatting. oxygen and questions and i’m groggy but hearing, vision and the paralysis gone.
in the e.r. for about 5 hours. while there, the dr questioned me about CT scans. saying he’d like for me to have one (rule out a bleed) but they’re risky. i had a ? look on my face. “hasn’t anyone counseled you about them?” and so he told me one of them was like getting 200 xrays, each time drastically increases the chance of getting a tumor. and i’ve had 3 or 4 of them. so that was great to hear.
all in all, noone ever knows what the f**k is wrong with me and only makes lame guesses (this time he “thinks” i had a seizure that fired off into my hearing, sight, movement etc. parts of the brain). they always admit they never know but it bugs me that that answer is okay with them. i just wanted to get out of the hospital as fast as i could, so i didnt care. upped my medication and neurologist on thurs.
when i wasn’t really aware of people or myself or where i was, but i just kept hearing “ambulance”, apparently really loudly i said “i don’t need a fucking ambulance!” (slurred). the poor people around me trying to help ahaha. i feel so bad for my love. i scare him terribly and too often.
so retarded, i didn’t even get to finish my chicken pad thai.