Adaptation & hope for everyone

Hi all

This post is straight to the point in some sections and it’s meant to be because it’s the truth so please don’t take it as downplaying any emotion you have or experience. You’re emotions and experiences are unique and valid. This is my story and I think many could relate

It’s been a while since I visited here for many reasons but thought I’d pop in and hope everyone is going the best they can given their circumstances

I just wanted to share some things I’ve learnt in the last couple of years

When I had my brain issues, I had a lot of other stuff going on in life too. Just as major as my brain and needing surgery.

What I’ve learnt though in hindsight is that we as humans have a fantastic thing we do called adaptation and we adapt to the circumstances

Some things take time. Prior to surgery, after surgery, and all in between I was always worried. Every little pain or ache or sensation, I was very worried.

I cannot speak for all but I can say in my case, over time I accepted the fact of what I had and what could happen at any given moment

I have also adapted to the pain to a degree. I still need paracetamol and eye drops constantly but the pain is more acceptable in some way

Tbh life has not got any better overall HOWEVER my life has got a lot better.

What I mean by that is once I accepted what I had and things can happen anytime, I became free, I became happier with simple things

I now go to gym regularly (who knows if that’s the best idea - my nueros all think different lol) but I’m hitting pbs, feel great doing it, and my blood pressure is down
and I do some work i can do I can feed myself (and that’s about the limit of my life)

I don’t see my son. I haven’t for 1.5 years and he was my best friend.

I won’t bore you with all the other details of why life isn’t great!.. what I’m trying to say is despite the setbacks and there’s been more lately, I’m a happier, calmer, nicer person than I ever have been

Like I said, it takes time and we are all different but I recall the moment I said to myself, STUFF this… I’m just going to live life. And it’s been great since. My life itself is far from great but how I react and how I find happiness is great which in turn makes my life great

I’m hoping that made some sense and can help someone that although today, this week, this year is bleak, you may find yourself more happy in a worse situation than you were before

If you can’t change something, there’s no point worrying about it as you’re just making yourself feel bad all the time and if something bad is going to happen, it will anyway. Thinking positively probably makes it less likely but even if it doesn’t, at least you were smiling the rest of the time :slight_smile:

This is NOT downplaying how serious these things are. It’s not downplaying your emotions you have. It’s scary stuff and if you’re going through it right now, it’s more than valid to feel confused, angry, scared, whatever you’re feeling.

What I’m saying is that after a while, I truly finally felt at peace and nothing much bothers or worries me at all anymore and that’s solely because of the ordeals I’ve been through. The ordeals weirdly have made my life better by how I think. So there is hope, it just takes time and an attitude and you’ll come out realising you’re stronger than you thought I’m sure

I also worked through a lot of life stuff with a therapist and I must say, it helped me immensely. I would strongly recommend anyone who’s considering a therapist and can do so, to do it

Although this applies to everyone,
I think especially to those who have just been diagnosed or new to this and have serious emotions about it. Its normal. But you will cope. Things change and you will see how strong you are

I’m the same medically as I was 12 months ago, life itself is probably worse, but happiness I’m 1000% happier and at peace than I was 12 months ago and that’s all that matters in my eyes

Never lose hope people. It will come :slight_smile:

Peace

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I agree with everything across you’re whole post, aside from not seeing your kid(s)

Me & my son are closer than ever. I really realized how much I took for granted having such a good kid.

Gym - I’m here now. . . My neurosurgeons made it seem like it was a great idea - just be safe. . . No prob, as safe as I can while deadlifting 355 pounds :wink:

But, it’s not just the gym - my work has been intense. We’re getting more heavy diesel service than ever & it makes my gymming seem like a breeze - I’m working on Diesel Internationals in the 110 degree heat daily

So far, well - I been pretty good

Aside from when the clouds rolled in a week ago or so & I just went a little off for about 3 days. Relaxed, then just got back at it.

But, I’m pushing & not stopping until health no longer permits - from personal life, to work - to fitness - I’m not stopping until I can’t

Man, sure wish I had this attitude a few decades back - who knows. . . It’s 5:30 in the AM, wife is dead asleep & I’m in the gym. Then we have another truck on the lot that’s like a version of a diesel AVM. Lol

Good luck to us all - we all need it much more than we think

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Makes perfect sense to me.

I think there’s a lot of rationalising this stuff to ourselves that helps. Some of that for me was “time”; some of it was blurting stuff out here or elsewhere as to how I felt; my final step to acceptance was literally acceptance: to stop worrying about the little things that still seemed to be going on and believe I was fixed. Once I let the worries about little odd feelings in my head go by as nothing to worry about, I effectively slid back into a normal life. I know I’m lucky because I can’t think there’s anything that has been noticeably damaged by my AVM – and not everyone is anywhere near “ok” – I think you’re doing marvellously if you can rationalise the remaining pain and be in as good a position as you are.

Regarding your son, I hope you’ll get to a better position over a different time frame there. I expect he’s younger than when my Dad went to work abroad, and my parents finally split in the year I left school. Despite the fact my Dad has lived abroad for the majority of the last 45 years (and did some stupid things) I’ve never let him go.

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Well I only wrote this post to hopefully give some people hope and explain the journey we go through (all different but similar)

I may have placed it in the wrong section too lol

But reading something like this would have helped me a few years back so thought I’d write it

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It’s perfect.

If we decide it belongs better somewhere else, you or one of the mods can move it, no problem.

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Thanks buddy

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