Hey Rich - just heard "There's a Stranger In My House"...It's basically about this woman convinced that there's a stranger in her house. After trying to "blame" everyone else, she realizes that she's the stranger expecting different things of herself. This song probably best portrays what we go through with defining our new selves.
So the slice of cherry pie I had last night was not, in fact, a little slice of heaven? Try telling that to the pie. =)
I had my bleed a year and a half ago. I have since finished my mba (my gpa did go down) and have struggled to find an mba type of job. I ended up accepting an offer from my old employer who is very kind and a very good friend but it is not an mba position and salary is below average for even an undergraduate degree. In summary, my ruptured avm meant a loss of my future prospects and a significant economic loss besides my cognitive and physical loss. Sometimes I am accepting of this…others, however, it is real hard to think of who i was and where i was going and who i am now and where i am going now. Sometimes I tell myself “being on a wheelchair is not that bad” and yet other times i think about how it limited my future prospects. Yes, there is such a thing as the ADA, but it works better to protects one when one is already employed. Otherwise, employers can simply say “we found a more qualified person” as it has happened to me time and again after my bleed.
However, i tell myself: “you have made it this far! You were hours or minutea from death and yet you are here seeing the sun rise every beautiful morning!” . I guess it is as it was already mentioned. We should not compare ourselves with who we were immediatly prior to the bleed. We should compare ourselves with who we were immediatly after our bleed. I know I was completly disoriented and could noteven hold my neck up.
hi dreyx2000, thats generally my thoughts exactly there. I wonder what i could have achieved without my bleed sometimes, because i dont think i could ever be full time manager, communcation is the key and i just dont have the ability to do so. so tbh, i might as well never think about it. But on another day, when im away from work, perhaps on holiday when the sun is out, with my wife by my side, the day feels so much better! ;)
I do wonder tho, when i do have an interview, tell them about my aphasia problems, and i believe i often get "we found a more qualified person" because of my AVM histroy. But what can u do? Not much.
You did well to have any job dreyx2000! And thats something......
Hey Rich! I think you're pretty amazing too. One thing that may help, while you may not be 100% physically, you have an insight that puts you over the 100% in so many other ways. I know its hard but, instead of focusing on what you used to do, focus on the things you now can do! Yes, I admit, I'm still trying to let go of all the things I used to do and accept myself now, but I'm working on it. You pose a great question, but consider that the office environment can be cruel and be good to yourself in spite of it all. :J ((( Rich )))